"don't think i'm coming back it's just a relapse" carrie finds her self in deep pain as her husband Michael leaves with her baby boy Isaiah. She can't seem to find an escape. Except for alcohol. Every once in a while Mike will let her see Isaiah but...
"i know mike, but please come back home. i miss you and isaiah" "you should have thought about that before......" he never likes talking about it. it has been two months since i've seen my baby boy. i miss him so much. i want to see him grow up and not just over the phone or some pictures. "carrie.....just...stop calling me" he says then hangs up right after. i slowly pull my phone off of my ear. i start breathing sorta heavy and tears start forming in my eyes "you screwed up big time carrie" i whisper to myself. i walk to the liquor cabnet and look through the alcohol. i find some whiskey and open it. i shut the doors to the cabnet and start drinking strait from the bottle. i walk into the living room and see the emptyness of my house. i miss seeing his little feet running up and down the hallways. i miss feeling his little hands on my legs as he hid from the monsters or mike, his adorable laugh.....his little smile....i wish i could see him. i look at my bottle and think for a little bit {thoughts} if i drink this...i may never be able to see him again....if i get drunk again i know mike will find out and i'll never even be able to think about him.....but if i do....and he doesnt find out....i'll be able to...maybe stop thinking about him. i wish i could see my baby boy. {end of thoughts} I get angry at myself and throw the bottle against the wall and scream. i fall on my knees and start crying "so stupid carrie, so so stupid!!!" i say to myself as i whack my fourhead with the palm of my hand. I sit on the floor for about two hours bawling my eyes out "you can't do this anymore Carrie" I tell myself. I punch my thigh and then curl into a ball on the floor. After a while I get up and go to my room, taking a shower and getting dressed. I then lay in bed with my phone and look at my photos. I see my beautiful baby boy on there. His baby photos and our family photos. Why did I have to be so stupid? Why did I have to hurt him like that? I sit there staring at photos of my baby boy with tears in my eyes. And then I run across this one
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I remember that day so well! Isaiah was getting so big and he loved walking around holding mommy and daddy's hands. I kinda chuckle at the thought of that day. That morning Isaiah woke both of us up with his whine. We both went into his bedroom and helped eachother out....that was the last day....the last day I was actually happy.... I frown at that thought and wipe the tears from my eyes, I then close them and more tears start streaming down my cheeks. I turn my phone off and lay down on my side and cuddle myself with all of my blankets. And then start to cry.......
