relapse

Chapter five

I wake up the next morning and Mike is laying in bed beside me. We are tangled up in eachother and I don't want to move! I miss having his big body in my bed protecting me....I feel so happy and I don't want to ruin this again. Ever again. I hear Isaiah in the other room talking to his toys I can tell. Mike's arms move and he begins to wake up. He starts to get out of bed but I hug him "don't leave" I whisper. He smiles and lays back down cuddling me even more. He looks down at me as I look up at him. He kisses me and I can't help but smile "I'm never gonna leave you carebear" he whispers back. The tone in his voice has never been this beautiful....this- this protective..... I love him with every part of my soul!!!
After a while he gets up, puts pants on and goes to get Isaiah.....but I had already beat him to it. He walks in to me holding Isaiah in a big hug as I rub the scar on his arm. Isaiah hugs me back tightly as he quietly whispers "I love you mama" and I reply with a whisper saying "I love you to Isaiah"
And we continue saying that until we both end up screaming it......the neighbors probably thought we where crazy...OH WELL!!
I hear a loud ((ding)) from the bedroom "my phone" I say as I tickle Isaiah with my nose. His baby giggles make me so happy to be him mother.
Mike smiles and leaves the room (probably to get my phone) then comes back "you get notified when I post something to Instagram?" He asks. I look over and blush from embarrassment. I then walk over to him and grab my phone, but as I walk away I get pulled back by him and turned around "I think it's cute" he says all flirty like. Isaiah giggles and I smile and kinda blush again. He kisses my nose and I look up at him then he kisses my lips Isaiah smiles and giggles as we kiss which only makes me smile even more.
We later on go downstairs and Mike starts breakfast. I look at my phone as I sit on the floor with Isaiah as he plays with toys. I take a quick photo then look at Mike's Instagram. I smile when I see what he posted.

"I'm so happy I get to see my beautiful wife and handsome son cuddling. They where screaming at each-other how much they loved each-other this morning. I want us to be happy. And for the next couple of days. I'm going t be happy with my family. I love you so much carebear😘. Love, Mike."
I smile big and wipe the year that fell down my face.
I go to my page and post this

"My sweet baby boy watching Mickey Mouse club house this morning as his daddy makes dinner. I miss watching kid Shows with my little man. I will forever be blessed with him and his daddy. God has given me the best life I could live and I'm going to try as hard as possible to make it right with my boys."
I post it and then stand up and go to Mike who is making eggs. I wrap my arms around him and kiss his shoulder. I look over it and watch him make his eggs "I love you" I say. He smiles "I love you to carebear" he replies. I smile and kiss his shoulder again.

Later that day
Mike brings Isaiah to the park and I stay home to clean up. Mike said to throw away all the alcohol in the house before he gets home....so I start. I grab a trash bag and go to the liquor cabinet. I open it and start throwing bottles in the bag but making sure the don't break.
I finally get down to the last bottle.....and everything hits me all at once....this was the bottle I half way drank....and hurt my baby with......the lip is slightly bent in and the hole in the side of the bottle seems to not drain a bit of alcohol from it. I look at the whiskey swirling in the bottom as I open the lid.  Ad then everything goes dark....I have flashback after flashback of the blood and scar and everything that happened.... I then shut my eyes tight and take a swig. I swallow the whole bottle in one quick gulp. I open my eyes back up and then throw the bottle into the back....regretting Taking that swig.... I head out the door with the bag full of Alcohol and then throw the bag into the dumpster then head back inside. I go upstairs and take a shower. After that Mike is sitting on my bed. He looks so sad "is Isaiah okay?" I ask thinking somethings wrong. He shakes his head yes and I breath a sign of relief "what's wrong then?" I ask as I walk over to the dresser to get dressed. He stands up then walks over to me. He turns me around and my towel falls to the floor. He kisses me real quick then pulls away...."I thought you said no more drinks?" He asks. I look at him scared "I'm sorry Michael....I didn't mean to....it just...happened" I said scared he was going to leave again. He lets go of my arms and goes to sit back on the bed "I'm so sorry Mike" I say starting to cry. I then realize I'm still naked. I then turn around and grab a shirt throwing it on along with undies and shorts. I walk over to the bed and sit on it next to him "I'm so sorry" I say again with a wet towel still in my hair....."I'm so sorry Carrie" he says. He then stands up and walks out the door "please Michael don't leave again" I ask as I start to cry. He reaches the door then turns around. His eyes red and his cheek puffy. He was crying. He shakes his head then walks back over to me so fast I get scared as he grabs my arms, lifts me up, kisses me fast then sets me back down and leaves. He grabs Isaiah. Isaiah says "bye mommy" sadly as Mike shuts the door behind him. It happened so fast I didn't know what to do. I run downstairs then out the door and run after them as they drive down the driveway "please, don't leave again" I cry loudly. His dust covering my lungs as I cry. He leaves again....I fall in my knees and shove my hands in my face and begin to cry. "Please don't leave" I keep whispering to myself. I get angry and then run back to the house. I run to my bedroom and open my cabinet in my bathroom. I grab my shaver then pull up my sleeve. I put the razor to my arm but don't move. I see what I'm doing.....I look up at myself in the mirror with the razor still to my arm. I look at my face and see the tears streaming down It. I begin to cry even harder.....I close my eyes and give one quick swipe. I then drop the razor and go to my bed. Jump into it. And cry as the blood goes all over my blanket.... The one...not to long ago....Michael had slept in with me....not to long ago....he had said goodbye......