relapse

Chapter 10

A few months go by and I'm sitting in the dinning hall at the hospital. Looking down at my food as if it's the worse thing in the world. I close my eyes as I slowly take a bite.
I haven't been eating much lately. Being here has changed me.
I don't even think straight anymore, everything I put in my mouth taste stale and dank, like bread that stayed out a little too long, right before it begins to mold.
Anytime someone will visit me they bring me food from outside and even that taste bad.

After lunch I have a meeting with my doctor again. He weighs me and measures my hight.
"You've lost about 5 pounds since the other day Carrie. Are you eating?" The doctor states and asks.
"I'm trying to, it just all taste like stale bread. I can't even seem to taste anything anymore"
I say sitting on the table staring at my fingers while I pick the dirt from underneath them.
"I just wanna hold my boy again" I say almost in tears. I close my eyes and take a deep breath.
"It's gonna be okay Carrie. You'll see him again. I can promise you that. I don't think mike would keep you from your child forever" the doctor says caringly.
I stop myself from crying and eventually open my eyes "you're right doctor" I say not so sure.
He smiles and sends me on my way.
I walk back to the main room and sit in a chair in the corner.
Hours go by
"Carrie?" One of the nurses say
"Someones here to see you" she says with a smile.
I smile back fake and follow her outside.
We go around to the side of the building still in the fenced area. Right as I turn the corner I see him.
A smile appears on my face as my heart is filled with joy "Isaiah!" I yell out.
He turns around from playing with his toys quickly and then jumps up "MOMMY!" He yells!
He jumps down from the table and rushes towards me fast!
He finally reaches me and I pick him up and hold him tight "hi baby! Oh my gosh you're here" I say with joy, the smile still on my face, tears streaming down my face as I hold his small head against my shoulder.
His legs dangling.
"Mommy I missed you!" He says.
"I missed you to baby boy!" I say as tears still stream down my face, tears of joy.
I then look up and Michael stands a foot from us.
I look down at the ground and hold Isaiah tight.
Another tears slips down my face and off of my chin.
"I'm so sorry" I whisper.
I feel mikes hand on my chin, he pulls my chin up to his face. I open my eyes and stare into his bright blue eyes.
We stare at each other for a long second and then he finally gives me a hug (with Isaiah in between us)
"T.....thank you" he whispers.
My eyes close tight as I fight back the tears.
About 30 minutes go by and Isaiah is playing with his toys.
Mike and I are just sitting there talking.
He on a bench across from me as I watch Isaiah draw his dinosaurs. Or at least attempt to.
I can't take my eyes off of him.
He's my only hope right now and I can't lose him again. Never again! 

Eventually they leave, I give my baby the biggest hug ever! I don't want to let him go but I have to
"Bye bye mommy, I love you! See you soon!" He says with joy and sadness.
"Bye bye baby boy, I love you so much and I hope to see you again baby" I say