His Miracle

Mental Battle.

Jake's POV

Emily is pregnant and I don't know how to feel. The news feels like I've been smacked in the face with a fist of cold harsh reality. I held her for hours as she cried and I couldn't find the words to soothe her. I feel hopeless, and it takes me back to the gut wrenching memory of sitting by her bedside at the hospital. Spending days upon days waiting for her to wake up. I was hopeless then and I feel hopeless now. I make sure she's sleeping before I slip out of the house. I know my Mom is going to have a million questions for me, but I'm not prepared to answer them. I need to be alone so I can work through the mental battle inside my mind. It's like a warzone inside my head and I need to find clarity. I begin walking the dark streets that are deserted due to it being Christmas Eve. People are wrapped up warm at home with their loved ones, waiting for the fun-filled day ahead. I release a deep breath before pressing my palms into my eyes. That should be me and Emily... This wasn't supposed to happen. Haven't we been through enough this past year?

I pull my hood up before storming in the direction of the local children's park. It's a place I spent time in as a child with Tobias and Ivory. It's also a place I went to when I struggled to accept the actions of my own parents. I spent my life wishing I didn't have to be raised by my Aunt Myra. Not that she wasn't an incredible stand in for my own Mom. She's a brilliant woman and I love her unconditionally but I was always left wondering why I couldn't have my own Mom when she was right in front of me. Her physical being has always been around but she mentally checked out of being a Mom when I needed her as a little boy. I wanted my Mom to step up and be a parent but she was too wrapped up in her own storm to look after me. My father was in and out of my life ever since I was born and I haven't seen him since I was four years old. I don't have a great example of parenthood to follow.

What do I know about being a father?

Having terrible parents is something Emily and I have both grown up with. My chest tightens with pain when I think about her. She deserves all of the light in the world yet all she's received is nothing but darkness. I thought we'd finally sailed through the worst of the storm, yet here we are. I drop down in the child's swing before resting my arms on my knees. My head falls into my hands and I take a deep breath to slow down my racing thoughts. I must look ridiculous. A grown man squeezing himself into a child's swing but right now, I don't feel like an adult. I'm back to being a child, filled with questions and never receiving the answers from my parents. I exhale a shaky breath before pushing my legs off the ground to swing. My tall height doesn't allow me to gain any momentum so the movement ends with my legs dragging against the ground underneath me.

"You need to swing higher," a tiny voice calls out in the dark park.

I immediately curse with shock and stumble forward to the ground with surprise. My eyes dart upwards and my heart somersaults in my chest. I thought I was alone.

"Hello?" I call out uneasily.

My eyes narrow in the dark of the night until I discover a small shadowy figure sitting on the bottom of the slide. Her dark hair is piled up into a messy bun and she's wearing a red long sleeved dress with yellow rain boots. There's a Barbie doll in her hands and she's running her tiny fingers through the doll's string hair. My eyes grow wide at the sight of her. How did I not notice her sitting there earlier?

"Where are your parents? It's late," I call out to her before searching the grounds.

The streets surrounding the park are completely empty. A deep frown takes over my face at the thought of this little girl's parents leaving her here alone on Christmas Eve. It's cold, dark and she should be sleeping. What kind of parents would leave her out here?

"I'm playing," the little girl says to me. I remain rooted to the spot as she stands from the slide before holding out her hand to show me her doll. The movement causes the street light above to illuminate her face and I blink several times in complete awe when I finally get a good look at her.

"Woah," I mutter before stumbling several steps back.

The little girl doesn't appear to be affected by my unexpected reaction toward her. She shoots a small smile at me and I feel my mouth run dry within a split second. Her complexion is warm despite the freezing temperatures of the night. Her large doe-like eyes are protected by a set of thick dark lashes and I feel the oxygen knock out of my lungs when I make eye contact with her. She reminds me so much of Emily. I slowly lift my arms to lower my hood from my head. I want to look away from her but it feels physically impossible.

"Who are you?" I whisper in her direction. I spent years working for one of the most dangerous men in the city which naturally comes with the downside of seeing things that left me shocked to my core. However looking into the eyes of a little girl who reminds me so much of Emily has rattled me more than ever. There's something about her I can't quite figure out...

"I'm Ruby. Who are you?" The little girl lowers her arm holding the doll before taking another step forward.

It feels like my surroundings begin to blur and the only clear tunnel vision I have is of the little girl. I lift a shaky hand to press it against my forehead. Am I burning up into a fever? It could be the only explanation for how I'm feeling. My skin feels cold and damp to the touch due to the weather. I'm wrapped up in a jacket whereas Ruby isn't wearing anything to protect her from the cold.

"My name is Jake. Do you have a family, Ruby? A home I can take you back to? You shouldn't be out here," I tell her. Ruby's smile fades and she looks at me with a blank expression.

"Do you have a family?" She tilts her head to watch me and I feel the intensity of her stare burning right through me. A shiver runs down my spine and I clear my throat to compose myself. I'm nineteen years old... I shouldn't be scared of a little girl who clearly needs an adult's help to get her home.

"Yes, I have a family," I tell her quietly. I immediately think of Emily. She may have entered my life only a short year ago but I felt a deep connection with her the moment our eyes locked together. My answer doesn't change the expression on her face.

"Do you like your family?" Ruby asks me. Her voice is ethereal. A deep stone lodges itself in the back of my throat and I feel choked up with emotion to speak.

"Yes," I whisper, feeling like my answers are being spoken in auto mode.

"So what's wrong?" Ruby questions me with a deep frown on her face.

She looks so much like Emily when she frowns. It's almost like I'm looking at a younger version of her but that can't be real, right?

"I-I don't know if I'm ready." The words leave my lips and I feel an overwhelming wave of emotion wash over me. It's true... I don't know if I'm ready. I don't know if I have what it takes to be a good father. I don't know if I have what it takes to give Emily everything she truly deserves. I catch her staring at me some days and she looks at me like I hung the moon. God, I love it when she looks at me like that. It makes my heart soar and fills me with raw gut wrenching fear at the same time. I'm holding her heart in my hands and it only takes one wrong move to crush everything for her. I almost ruined her when I worked for Amil, my former boss. I can't screw up again, I can't lose her.

"You are ready," Ruby tells me before smiling.

Her words are spoken softly, almost as if she knows I need to be handled with care right now. She can't possibly know what I'm talking about, right? I continue to stare at her as if she's grown a third eye in the time we've been talking. The sight of her smiling at me fills me with a warmth that can't be explained. It starts in the center of my chest and spreads throughout my body until it feels like I'm reaching the peak of a drug induced high. I exhale a deep breath and rub at my eyes furiously to wake myself up. Could I possibly be dreaming? When I remove my hands, Ruby is nowhere to be found. I feel panic rise within me and I run toward the area she was last seen standing.

"Ruby?" I call out into the dark night.

Where could she have possibly ran to in such a short space of time? I frantically search up and down the street with no success. She's gone. My heart beats faster with unease as I recall the entire conversation before she simply vanished into thin air. The interaction leaves me feeling alarmed but there's no longer racing thoughts or uncertainty regarding Emily. My worries seemed to have... disappeared.