alice; book two {5sos}

0.3

the photograph begins to wither away as soon as the flame licks up the side of the image.

as soon as the heat of the flame dances dangerously close to my fingertips, i place the lighter on the shelf and drop the photograph into the sink. i submerge it in the water, leaving nothing but scraps of the photograph which rise to the surface.

they rise and float like the pieces of the image are empty and meaningless. i wish i could throw all of my bad thoughts into a calm sea and watch them duck under before rising again. i want all these bad thoughts to be empty too.

i drain the sink and dispose of the small fragments of photograph into the bin.

i don't feel safe anymore. every corner i turn i feel jittery and anxious.

i lost my mind the other night too. i kept tossing and turning in bed, my body and mind writhing with heart broken and awful thoughts. i climbed out of bed and pushed open the window, feeling the cool night air gently hitting my skin.

i stayed there for a while, before i did something i regret. within a blur, i had managed to cut both of my thighs. i opened a part of my previous wound, and when i went to the hospital to get the dressing changed, they couldn't help but notice and i was admitted back to my therapy.

i'm exhausted of this. i don't want to go to one of those mental health places - that's not what i need. what i need is my best friends, and if i want to stop this from happening i need to always be cautious and alert of what i'm doing.

i've held onto that photo for another week. i'm not sure why, but i felt like i needed evidence. do they know where i live? did they intentionally plant this picture in my drawer? i don't understand how they got inside or why they can't leave me alone already. but i can't let my eyes to linger on the haunting photograph any longer and it's about time it was destroyed and ceased to exist. i need to forget i ever recieved this photo, let alone see it.

even though i'm still an unfortunate heart broken mess, i have to go to my college enrollment next week. i have my folders and textbooks ready and i'm glad that college is a new leaf turned since i will be able to meet new people, but i'll always dread it. i don't want people to treat me differently or sympathise with me; all i need is an ordinary life.

there's a knock at the bathroom door which startles me. "yeah?" i call out, running the tap to wash down the sink and tucking the lighter into my back pocket.

"there's somebody at the door for you." my mum anxiously says through the door. i frown and unlock the door, staring back at her.

"who?" i softly ask, trying to keep my voice down.

"he says he's one of your teachers," she says with a small smile. "do you want to say hi?"

"which teacher?" i ask without any hesisation as i look at her with narrowed eyes. "none of the teachers liked me."

"yes they did," she disagrees with a light laugh. "come on, he's waiting."

"but what teacher?" i groan as she drags me along the landing.

"i don't know," she shrugs. "but he wants to see how you are before you go to college." she lowers her voice as we head down the stairs.

i stare at the empty doorway before averting my unsure gaze to my mum. "did you imagine it?" i weakly laugh, closing the wide open door.

"what? no," she frowns, heading into the living room. "sir?" she calls out.

she heads back into the hallway, looking despairingly at the closed door. "he must have left," she sighs. "what a weird man."

i shrug and head back upstairs to my bedroom, a breeze blowing through the gap in my slightly opened curtains. i don't even remember opening them today, let alone the window. i close it before climbing onto my bed and reaching for my favourite poetry book. i begin to read it from the first page for the millionth time since my whole world fell apart.

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