Death Note-One Shots (contains yaoi)

Dumb Geniuses (Mello x Matt)

Ah, another result of procrastination. Just why did this even come to my mind? (I guess I write too much sad shit, so I wanted a lighter, comedy one-shot) Anyways, all madness belongs to me, so without further ado, do proceed reading and try to enjoy my awful sense of humor.

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After drunkenly hailing a taxi and staggering into their tiny apartment, Mello and Matt are both splayed over their worn, leather couch, hair tangled, goggles dented, and rosary knotted; One awkwardly typing away on his laptop, trying his best to work with extreme nausea, and the other clumsily smashing the buttons on his DS, trying his best to playing Mario Kart while being totally smashed.

I guess you can say, they both had one too many drinks. Like most drunkards, it's inevitable for them to utter something totally idiotic, whether they're geniuses or not.

"Matt, what the hell are you doin'?" Mello asks (more like slurs).

"Doin' what I do the best...besides gaming." Matt slurs back.

"And what's that?"

"Being unproductive and not giving a fuck about anything."

"Well, we're behind on the Kira case, so get your lazy ass back to work!" Mello growls.

"Wha'ya mean? We're ahead of the SPK."

"Not fo' long, the SPK's catching up." Mello retorts.

"Well Near, Halle and Gevanni can go fuck themselves...or each other." Matt scoffs and resumes attempting to get Donkey Kong to slip on a banana peel.

Mello rolls his gritty eyes and continues drunkenly typing-for a while at least, occasionally tucking loose strands of tangled, blond hair behind his ear-no seems to understand how hair can be such a huge nuisance.

"Why the fuck did we even agree to "drown our sorrows" by bar-hopping? I'M NEVER DOING THAT AGAIN!" Mello wonders to himself.

Eventually, he tries to get Matt to work once again.

"Put. Your. Stupid-ass. DS. Down. NOW." He hisses.

But of course, Matt's #2 talent being, not giving a single fuck about anything, he ignores Mello's command.

Mello-known for his rather-explosive temper, slams his laptop shut and lunges for Matt's DS, yanking it out of his hands.

"Wha'da hell, Mello! Gimme back my DS!" Matt sloppily reaches for his prized possession.

"Nuh-uh, you can have it back once you're done helping me hack into the Task Force's system." Mello tucks it into his front pant pocket.

"You expect me to work in this state, my head's been killing me!" Matt rubs the side of his head, trying to prove a point.

"Well, they say the best ideas come when you least expect it. Pretty sure Lewis Carroll was on drugs when he wrote Alice in Wonderland."

Normally, Matt would have countered with something along the lines of:

"He was stoned, not drunk."

But instead, he simply slumps back, trying to ease his pounding headache and dizziness.

"Looks like someone downed too many pints. Typical Irish behaviour'." Mello remarks.

"stfu..." Matt mumbles back.

A wave of nausea hits Mello, as he leans forward and clutches his stomach. He's about to bolt towards the bathroom....

"Stay, Mello. I don' wanna be here all alone." Matt whines.

"DO YOU WANT ME TO PUKE ALL OVER YOU?!" Mello snaps back, pry's his hand off and dashes for the bathroom.

"Why are you so mean to me..." Matt mutters.

(And yes, drunk Matt is ten times more emotional than a girl on her monthly curse.)

Mello returns after brutally puking his guts out, to an over-emotional Matt.

"Don't leave me again." Matt pouts.

Mello rolls his eyes.

"And yet you always question my emotional stability...but no. I won't leave you, not in this state. It's an unwritten rule to protect and look after your drunk friend."

"Ooh, how Gryffindor of you." Matt remarks.

"Pfft. Me? Gryffindor?"

"Yeah, well, you're bravely idiotic enough to blow up half your face."

"Ha, ha, ha...." Mello nervously laughs, slightly embarrassed.

"Or Ravenclaw-you're smart enough to make it into Wammy's House at least." Matt adds.

"Nope. Near should get his smart-ass over to Ravenclaw instead." Mello contradicts.

"Fair enough. What about me? I have always been wondering what house I belong in." Matt asks.

"Hmm...." Mello wonders, trying his best to think (it's hard cause the room's spinning and shit...).

"Hufflepuff." He concludes.

"Cause ya' look like a badger."

"Wow, how thoughtful of you." Matt sarcastically replies.

"Well, badgers have stripes and all." Mello adds.

"Well, that's a new Harry Potter series right there. Kira's Volde-HE WHO MUST NOT BE NAMED, L's Dumbledore, Near's Potter and you're Draco." Matt states.

"Why the hell am I Draco?" Mello fumes.

Matt shrugs.

"Want me to make you Dobby instead?"

"Do I look like a fucking elf to you? God Matt, you're more drunk than I thought."

"Then you can be-

"Just cut your Harry Potter shit for now!" Mello adjourns.

"Fine." Matt pouts, crossing his arms.

They both sit in silence for a long while, the only sound being Mello continuously tapping his foot.

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"Mell?" Matt utters, shattering the silence.

"What is it Matt?" Mello asks, turning around to face Matt.

"What am I to you?" Matt queries out of the blue.

Mello takes a deep breath.

"You know, the usual. You're my best friend, my technician, my left hand, my chocolate supplier, my greatest idiot, my problem solver, my partner-in-crime..."

"But you are something more to me." Matt states.

With extremely impaired judgement that all drunk people share, Matt presses his lips onto Mello's.

Mello's mind completely blacks out. It took him a while to realize that he's kissing back. Not knowing what to do, Mello stays, frozen, lip to lip, tongues intertwined.

Finally, Mello's senses came back to life. He pushes Matt away.

"MATT, WHAT THE BLOODY HELL?" He exclaims.

"Matt's drunk, he doesn't know what he's saying or doing, stuff's coming out of his mouth..." Mello had to reassure himself over and over.

Matt looks down, his face a deep shade of red.

"I-I'm sorry...You're just something more to me..." Matt mumbles his apology.

Mello grins. "Ya' know Matt, you're the dumbest genius I've ever met."

Matt's expression lights up. "You too, Mello. That makes us both dumb-geniuses."