Death Note-One Shots (contains yaoi)

Sinful Pain (Matt x Mello)

Is love a sin? Apparently, loving Matt is...

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"You shall not lie with a male as with a woman. It is an abomination."-Leviticus:18:22

The sentence glares back at Mello, almost jeering him, mocking whom he chose to love. Muttering curses under his breath, he tosses the all-too familiar black book across the room in a fury of rage. Holding the cold, iron crucifix of his glass-beaded rosary between his fingers, he rips the object of worship off his neck and tosses it across the room, along with the bible.

Mind breaking down, heart shattering-yet healing at the same time, he curls up into a ball, his back pressed against the cold wood of his dorm-room door, carpet burning his bare feet. It has been how long since he had felt this way? It seems like forever.

Matt, Mail Jeevas, partner-in-crime, world's greatest idiot. He knew he couldn't hold back his feelings, his thoughts for Matt. Mello's lost all control of his mind, with unwanted images rushing through his Cerebral-Cortex-Matt wrapping his gloved arms around his waist, as he's seated contently on his lap, Matt caressing his face while stroking his hair with the same leather-bound fingers and Matt pulling him in for a kiss, lips crashing, tongues intertwined. All of it just felt. So. Wrong. Yet, so right at the same time. But all the blissful images will eventually crumble into nothing but dust, clouding up his mind, his judgement, filling his very being with nothing but sin.

All his life, he's been told that these very thoughts are wrong, absolutely forbidden-mostly coming from his biological parents, before he arrived at Wammy's House as a skinny, miserable brat. Mello thought back to those days-the miserable days after his parent's death. Matt was the first person to welcome him into the place, to make him feel right at home. Even though he really wasn't doing much, he listened to Mello. He'd listen to anything he'd have to bitch about-

"STOP, JUST DON'T THINK ABOUT HIM AT ALL!" His thoughts scream out.

Grabbing fistfuls of hair, Mello slams the back of his head against the door a couple of times, punishing himself, praying for forgiveness. Hot, prickling teams stream down his face. It must be love-at least attraction. Nothing can hurt this much, Mello recalls from the number of psychiatry textbooks he's scrutinized.

Without any thought, Mello bolts for the bathroom, sitting on the cold, marble floor, facing the toilet, wishing he could just vomit up all the pain. The dorm door flies open, revealing a very concerned Matt.

"Mello, what's wrong!? Tell me! I've heard you banging on the door."

Nothing but dead silence fills the air.

Matt makes his way inside the bathroom, only to see a very distraught Mello leaning towards the toilet.

"What's wrong? Tell me, I know you can trust me." Matt breathes out.

....

"I love you Matt...is that a sin?" Mello finally managed to choke out.

Matt was taken aback for a second, his mind blank, trying to register what to say. Just what are you supposed to do when someone loves you back-the tutors don't teach you that.

"Mello...since when is love a sin? And if it is, then we'll be sinners together. I love you too, Mello."

Mello looks up, facing Matt, tears drying.

"Besides, the Bible's filled up with pretty messed-up shit inside. Who says you need to follow it all?" Matt adds.

"...your right." Mello decides.

Matt bends down, and pecks Mello's now-salty cheek.

"If no one approves, then we can be sinners together."