Excuse Me While I Rant

People In My Way

Okay, I've just been dying to get this off my chest. For some God forsaken reason, people tend to be much bigger assholes when encountering a stranger, even if  they're in the wrong. Okay, so imagine this: you and one—maybe a couple of your friends are walking down the street. Then, some asshole is stranding dead center of the fucking sidewalk, totally immersed in his cell phone that came out, like, two generations ago. You can't avoid him completely, so you accidentally bump into him. No harm done, right? Wrong! Suddenly, the motherfucker finds the consciousness to take his eyes off of his phone. Then, in the most bratty, stuck up voice you can possibly imagine, you hear "Watch where you're going, asshole."

What?! Are you fucking kidding me, right now? You were standing in the middle of the sidewalk, where people walk! And you have the nerve—the audacity—the fucking balls to call me an asshole, for trying to avoid your dumb ass? No, no, no. That's not how it works. See, you are the asshole. You are the dumb jizz bag who chose to stand in the middle of the sidewalk. If anything, I could've pushed you out of my way and told you to watch where you're going, and guess what—I'd still be in the right because you're not watching where you're going. Was that text—that tweet—that status update so goddamn important? No. No it fucking wasn't. Don't even try to bullshit me, because if whatever the fuck you were typing was that important, you would have called that person, or be at their house—telling them in person! So don't you fucking dare look at me and tell me to watch where I'm going, in that smug, stuck up attitude—because, news flash: your shit stinks too, motherfucker. So, if you're one of these people, I just want you to know...that from the very bottom of my heart, I hope you get hit in the face...with a stainless steel, rocket powered dildo. But don't take any of this to heart because this rant is a joke, and if you take it seriously, so are you. See ya next time.