Every Breath She Takes [CURRENTLY ON HOLD]

Chapter 22: Settled

Our fourth and last baby was a girl, and we named her Sarah, after Duchess. I wanted to remember her, knowing that she would either be trapped still, or dead. She had been so kind to me, at her own risk. On the night that Sarah was born, I walked with her in my arms to the window, letting her see the warm night. Jack had told me what Duchess had said when he’d taken me, and had clearly thought that I knew what she meant.

Tell her we know.

I thought I did, but I didn’t like it. We had all known that no one would get out of his grip alive, and it was only because he’d thought I was dying that he’d sold me to start with. They all knew that. They had all known that there was no hope for them. Saddened, I closed my eyes, feeling the tears trickle down my cheeks. In the year that had followed, I had tried to search for them, but there was nothing to be found. Jack had shown me the house, but there was nothing about it that set it apart from the others in the street. The high walled garden couldn’t be seen.

I looked down at my Sarah, and knew that she was going to be my last. I wouldn’t have another baby, and I felt incredibly lucky for the four I had already. She stirred in my arms, opening her mouth the start crying, but I stifled her cries gently, offering her my breast to feed. She took it, tugging hungrily, and I went back to the bed. A few minutes later, the door opened, and Cam slipped inside, closing it gently behind him. he came and crawled into bed with me, curling up beside me as he had when the twins had been born. He gazed at his little sister, and I could see the love in his eyes.

“Are you alright, Cam?” I asked gently, carefully transferring Sarah to the other side.

He nodded, and reached out to touch her head. Already, the downy fluff had a hint of red in it, but it was dark, much darker than mine or Cam’s, and I knew that her hair colour would look more like her father’s.

“I wanted to see you,” he said softly, not looking at me. “I wanted to see the baby, too.”

I smiled, and dropped a kiss on the top of his head. “You’re a good boy, Cam,” I said. “How’s school been going?”

He shrugged, not really interested. He was a smart boy, and he tried at school, but I could see that he didn’t really want to be there. He already knew he wanted to draw when he grew up.

“Where’s your father?”

He shrugged again. “Writing.”

“Cam.” He looked up at me, slate grey eyes hiding something. “What’s wrong?”

He sighed, and hid his face in my side. His small body began to shake, and I was startled to feel tears leak through my pyjamas. I slid an arm around him, holding him close. “Cam,” I said gently. “What’s wrong? Why are you so upset?”

He didn’t respond for a long time, trying to stop his tears. I didn’t speak anymore, letting him talk in his own time.

“Tom…Tom,” he sobbed, trying to get the words out. Internally, I sighed. I knew Tom was no good. At last, Cam looked up at me. “Tom said…he said that when you had the baby, you…you wouldn’t have time for me anymore!” He hid his face again, sobbing afresh.

“Cam,” I said gently, pulling him in tighter. “Of course I will. Just because I’ve had a baby doesn’t mean I love you any less. I love you all the same.”

He looked at me, sniffing. “Really?”

I nodded firmly, and wiped his tears away. “Really. I have enough love to share around to all of you. there’s nothing to worry about.”

He looked down at Sarah, thinking it over. She’d fallen asleep again, and I rose to put her in the cot. I came back to bed, and let Cam clamber onto my lap. I wrapped my arms around him, and rocked gently, not speaking. Slowly, he let his tension slide out of him, until he fell asleep as well, his tear-stained face peaceful now.

What I had told him was the truth. I did have enough love to share around. What I hadn’t told him, though, was that he held a special place in my heart. Not just because he was my firstborn, but because of what we had gone through together. He was special in a way that the other three would never understand.

The door opened again, to reveal the dog, Buddy. She padded over to where Cam was sleeping and sniffed at him before curling up beside the bed and falling asleep herself. I smiled. She was the perfect companion for Cam, protective and loyal, but full of fun at the same time. She never grew tired of playing, and I had yet to see her do more that play growl with the children. We all loved her.

When the door opened again, it was Jack. He stopped briefly at the sight that met him, but I smiled at him, and he came in. He sat on the bed beside me, putting an arm around my shoulders.

“Is he alright?” he asked. I nodded.

“He’s fine now,” I told him. “It was just silly rumours.”

That made him smile briefly. Then, he nodded at Buddy. “How did she get in here?”

I chuckled softly. “She nosed the door open, Jack. Don’t worry about her. She’s fine, too.”

“I know.” He got to his feet, and lifted Cam into his arms. The little boy stirred, but didn’t wake. “Come, Buddy.” The dog woke at the soft command, and followed the pair as Jack went to put Cam to sleep in his own bed.