Walking The Line - a Clexa modern AU

Running From Myself No More

Lexa's Pov

What I loved the most about my art history class was feeling Clarke's stare on me the entire time. Sometimes our eyes would lock and she would give me a small smile or even wink at me. During the entire class I would know she was listening attentively and watching intensly and today was no exception. Feeling her still watching me made me immensly happier. Even if she wanted space she hadn't lost interest in me. Or she was just being a focused student. I preferred the former. Ever since she spoke to me two days ago the reels where turning non stop in my head. I barely slept and it took all I had in me to focus while giving my classes or interacting with people. Her words were echoing in my head, repeating themselves over and over again. It was amazing really how a few words could just change the way you saw yourself. Her words had arose guilt and pain in me but they also shaped my determination. I was aware she wanted more from me, in three months she had managed to have me relaxed around her, we talked a lot and I actually opened myself to her about my life. She was flirting with me in very subtle ways and the more confident she got, the more alluring she was. I was unable to say no to her, everytime she leaned in, every outfit that enhanced her curves, every little smile... Her smile was simply breathtaking, you could see all of her kindness in it, all of her. Her determination was amazing , she wouldn't back down from a fight and she was always there for people, it was like she was driven to fix everything even at her own cost. The second I saw her on monday, I knew I had made a huge mistake, sure it was easy to lie to myself about my feelings when we were so far away from each other, when I couldn't see her everyday but just a glance at her and the truth couldn't be hidden anymore. I had taken such a liking into her it was driving me insane but three months without a word from me, I expected nothing but her wrath. And yet again she had surprised me. She was angered and hurt but she also was understanding, she understood me and as much as it used to scare me it now motivated me. I tried to not look at her as much as I used to and the easiest way was to sit on my desk so I could look at them all at the same time. I saw her at the corner of my eyes shifting on her seat. For the remainer of the class she kept gazing intensly at me but she wasn't taking notes anymore. It was unlike her but I decided to not call her on it, she was a good student and anyway now they were suppose to start a personal work, she'll just have to work a bit more at home.

"Ms Keryon?" I looked up to see it was Lincoln who was calling me. He was a great student and I found it rather sad that he was not interrested in pursuing further studies in art but well, if helping people was what he craved to do, we couldn't blame him. I nodded at him, encouraging him to ask me whatever it was he wanted to know.

"Can we choose the art of our liking?" I arched an eyebrow at him.

"I'm afraid I'm missing your point here." He chuckled lightly before elaborating.

"Well, for example, if I were to choose... Let's say Clarke's work, would it do?" Clarke's head shot up at the mention of her name, she was glaring at Lincoln who only smirked in return.

"Well, I've seen Clarke's work and there is a lot to say about it, it's deep, most certainly beautiful and at least I'll know for sure you did not use the internet but you also happen to know the artist and that's a bonus..." I bit my lip hesitating. "Given the complexity of her art I would say yes but you said 'for exemple' so if you have something else in mind I would appreciate it if you could present the work to me before definitely choosing it." Clarke was smiling brightly now, her cheek were a light shade of red and she seemed quite pleased. She looked at me and I threw a wink at her causing her smile to broaden. That was a sight to see. I turned to Lincoln as to not stare at her, he seemed to be rather amused by our exchange.

"I'll do that. Thank you professor." I gave him a warm smile and as I was about to thank him myself the bell rang.

"Well that's our cue. Don't forget as the holydays are in a three weeks, you only have a bit less than two weeks to complete your final paper. May I remind you that even if this class is art history and not art, this grade will still be a big equation in whether you do or do not pass your semester. I know you have a lot to deal with for the weeks to come but don't drown in the work, surf on it, that's how you'll succeed." They all groaned in response. I chuckled lightly as some of them made their way to my desk with question about the assignement. I had missed that. Sharing my passion with devoted students, eager to learn as much as they could. Of course what I had missed the most was Clarke but I felt like I wasn't entitled to feel this way, not with the way I took her for granted. I turned to her as she was about to leave and she waved at me, a small smile on her lips. And that simple gesture made my day.