Self Destruction // Oliver Sykes

Chapter Seventeen: I Swear We'll Never Die

Song & Title Credit: My Understanding by Of Mice & Men [PLAY THIS SHIT ON REPEAT WHILE READING THIS CHAPTER BECAUSE OMFG I THINK IT'S PERFECT FOR THIS CHAPTER]

~Lily~  

"Bye, Franceschi." I mumbled sadly as I hugged Josh goodbye. We're currently at the airport, their plane is beginning to board and this is the last time I'll ever get to say goodbye to them.  

Josh chuckled sadly, "Don't be sad, Lily! We'll see each other in a couple of months." Josh stated, smiling widely. I forced a smile and nodded in response before pulling away from our goodbye hug.  

They think they're going to see me again in a couple of months but in reality- this is the last time I'm ever going to see them again. This is the last hug I'm going to ever share with them for I have already planned everything out.  

I pulled them all into one last hug and held back the tears that were brimming in my eyes. "I love you guys." I said, smiling weakly at them. "Tell Tom and Jenna that I love them too." I quietly added.  

The three of them gave me questioning looks but nodded in response. Oli and I watched in silence as the three of them began boarding their plane. We slowly walked towards the large window and watched as, minutes later, their flight began to take off- sending them back home to Sheffield.  

Once their plane was out of sight, I let a quiet sigh escape my lips before turning to face Oli. "We should probably head back to the venue since you guys play in less than an hour." I mumbled. Oli nodded in agreement and with that- we left the crowded airport.  

&&& 

From the merch stand, I was able to see Asking finishing up their set. I shook my head in disappointment once the guys announced to the crowd that they were to hammered to preform- which they were. Danny was barely able to speak while the rest of the guys were having a hard time just standing up. Miranda had left me to go help Will and the guys take them off of the stage.  

We're in... Seattle? I think, and these kids looked really disappointed when Danny told them the bad news. Some people were pissed and throwing bottles on to the stage, some were leaving the arena and others didn't look like they gave a fuck.  

Thankfully, Bring Me has already preformed their set so I don't have to be here any longer. The pain in my chest is becoming unbearable and I don't think I can take this feeling anymore. I know, I'm surrounded by people who love me and people who care about me but.... why do I feel so alone?  

Why do I feel as if I have no one else to talk to in this world? Why do I feel like everyone is turning against me? All this pressure from modeling, the lies and confusion from Oli and the terrible mistake I made with Ben- they're all crashing down on me and I can't take this feeling anymore. I need it all to end.  

&&& 

By the time Miranda and I had finished packing the merch- it was already half past midnight. There was more fucking merch than needed so it took us longer to fold it and box it up again.  

I walked into Asking's bus, the smell of marijuana and alcohol filled my nostrils but the smell didn't faze me. It's a scent I've grown accustomed to smelling everyday and honestly, I'm sick and fucking tired of it.

Running towards my bunk, I grabbed a piece of paper, pen, Ipod, headphones and my razor before hurrying towards the bathroom. Slamming the bathroom door shut, I slid on to the floor and began scribbling down my goodbye letter.

"Hey guys, once you've read this, I'll probably already be gone. I just can't deal with all of this shit anymore. The drugs, drinking every night, Ben, Oliver, modeling, touring, everything. I just can't deal with all of this shit anymore. I'll be doing you all a favor. You wont have to worry about me anymore and you'll be able to enjoy your lives again. Self destruction is such a pretty little thing, isn't it? Anyways, I'm in a better place, I'm with Tyler, now. I love you all so much and I'm sorry. Goodbye"

Fresh tears began streaming down my face as I signed my name at the bottom of the letter. A shaky sigh escaped my lips as I plugged in my headphones and played my Blink 182 playlist. If I'm going to leave, I want to do it while listening to my favorite band.

Grabbing the razor, I held the blade in between my fingers. All the pain, suffering and sadness will soon be gone. Soon, I will be able to be free from all this bullshit. Soon, I'll be reunited with Tyler. I know this isn't what he would've wanted but... what other choice is there? My life is a repetitive cycle of sex, drugs, alcohol and fights. It's all the same. I just want to escape it. Escape all these problems.

Sighing, I brought the blade up to my wrist and let it dance over my skin. Shortly after, I began feeling faint. My eyelids grew heavier and I felt myself drifting away. This is it, I'm finally going to be free. No more pain, no more fighting and no more sadness. 

~Oliver~  

I laid in my bunk, my thoughts focused on her beautiful face. Lily's beautiful face.  

Today, when we were at the airport- there was something off about Lily. She was smiling and laughing but they never seemed to reach her beautiful blue eyes. Her eyes seemed dark and filled with sadness. I'm worried about her, I know something's not right and I'm curious as to know what's bothering her.  

I know we're not together anymore but that doesn't mean I don't love her. That doesn't mean I don't care about her anymore.... I care about Lily more than anything else in this world. She's my everything but I was too stupid to realize that sooner.  

A shaky sigh escaped my lips as I hopped off my bunk. I pulled on my Drop Dead hoodie and my converse before stepping off the bus and starting towards Asking's bus.  

Without knocking on the door, I stepped into the bus and immediately walked towards the bunk area. I looked in Lily's bunk and noticed she wasn't in there. My eyebrows furrowed in confusion but I figured she might be in the back lounge or something.  

I quickly checked in the back lounge and discovered that Lily wasn't in there either- only the five of them who were snorting cocaine, drinking Jack Daniels and smoking from a bong.  

"Where's Lily?" I asked, leaning against the door frame.  

Sam shrugged, "I saw her go into the bathroom but she's been in there for a while now, mate." He informed me.  

I muttered a 'thanks' before walking towards the bathroom. I knocked on the door and waited for Lily to reply but... I heard nothing. There was absolutely no sound. Not the sound of the shower on, or the water running...nothing. Absolute silence.  

I hurried over to the back lounge and asked them if they had a key to the bathroom- which thankfully, they did. I grabbed the key from Danny and hurried back towards the bathroom. I quickly unlocked the door and wasted no time stepping into the bathroom.  

My body froze and I felt all the color drain from my face as I saw Lily's motionless body lying on the bathroom's floor. Her eyes were closed, her face was paler than usual and her hands were covered in blood.  

"Fuck! No!" I shouted as I picked Lily's body from the floor and ran out of the bathroom, I quickly got off the bus and started towards our bus. Luckily, Will rented out a car for us since we were going to go on a week long break in a couple of days and I knew exactly were he kept the keys.  

I burst through the door, struggling with Lily's body as I grabbed the keys from the kitchen's counter. I ignored the guy's horrified looks and questions and hurried out of the bus.  

With Lily tightly wrapped in my arms, I ran towards the rental car. After opening the door, I placed Lily in the front seat and quickly got into the passenger's side.  

Once I got the car started, I began pulling out of the venue and drove to the nearest hospital. Thank fucking god we've played in Seattle before or else I would have had no fucking idea where to go.  

My vision began growing blurry and I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that I hadn't noticed the car that was now speeding uncontrollably towards mine.