Addiction (Lashton)

Chapter Four

I'm thinking maybe I could live with it, just give me a minute tonight, you can make me feel alright

***

"Who does he think he is?" I ranted to Jake. I had just chainsmoked three cigarettes and that wasn't enough for me; I needed more, I needed it. "He just saunters into my life and tells me what I can't and can't do."

Jake sighed, seemingly bored by my constant rambling of Ashton. He was playing with a spliff on his lap, teasing and taunting me; daring me to try it. "Well just break it off with him." He shrugged. "I mean it's not like you have to sleep with him you can have anybody you want. You don't need some loser like him."

I stayed silent. I didn't want anybody else. I wanted him. He was the only one that had made me feel so good sober for a long time, no one else had managed to achieve that. So why would I let go of him so quickly?

"You don't want to drop him do you?" Jake asked but you could tell by the look on his face that he already knew the answer. "Jesus, Hemmings. This isn't like you. You're supposed to fuck them and then leave them. If I didn't know any better it's almost like you're in love with him or something."

I scoffed at that and shook my head. "Stop being ridiculous. It's just harmless fun."

"Well if it's harmless fun, do you want this?" Jake smirked as he held out the thing I had been craving the whole time I was here. I grabbed it and lit it up, my whole body instantly relaxing and I felt like I could finally breathe.

Despite this newfound relaxation there was a niggling sensation of Ashton somehow finding out in the back of my head. Pushing that aside, I focused on the here and now. Usual Hemmings style, I forgot about all my problems and everybody else and focused selfishly on myself.

"That's my boy." Jake smirked.

***

One joint turned into many more and that then turned into cocaine, before I knew it I was half passed out in front of Ashton's dorm room. In my half dead state I still managed to get myself to him and when he opened the door at four in the morning I had never been so grateful to see somebody in my life before. 

"Jesus, Hemmings you look like death itself." Ashton muttered, picking me up and dragging me inside because I had lost the ability to walk I had to practically drag myself here. 

Ashton sat me down on the bed. "Stay there, i'll be back in a second." A second felt like hours. My vision had become blurry and I felt extremely sick. I tried to call out for Ashton but the only thing that came out was vomit instead. As I sat there, sitting in my own vomit I was so out of it to react that I coul only stare at it in disgust as the putrid odour filled my nose. Ash quickly came running hearing the sounds of me bringing up my stomach acid and was quick to act. "I'm so-sorry" I stumbled out, trying to apologise for everything but he just shook his head. 

"Don't worry about it." He said. "Not the first time this has happened." He took me into the bathroom and handed me a toothbrush. Ashton stayed with me and watched over me whilst I brushed my teeth, making sure I was okay by giving me worried looks and verbalising it every now and again. 

"Here." I gratefully took the glass of water that he had handed me and chugged almost half of it instantly. My throat was dry and it felt like it had been set on fire, plus the taste in my mouth was horrible despite the amount of toothpaste I had used just moments before. 

"Thank you." I smiled. "And sorry again." 

Ash shrugged, acting like it was nothing. "It's what friends are for." 

I smiled at this, friends. He considered us friends. Yeah I had 'friends' but they were ones that put me into the trouble not took me out of it. They weren't caring like Ashton. They weren't loving like Ashton. Most of all, they didn't use me to make themselves popular. 

"Yeah." I mumbled sleepily. "Friends." 

"Let me get the sheets changed and then we can go to sleep, you look like you need it." Once again Ashton sat me down after asking me once more if I was okay which I replied that I was fine. I felt almost like a child, he was treating me like one and it was embarrassing almost but I enjoyed the love that radiated off of him. You could tell how worried he was in the glances he would shoot me and the tone of voice, soft like silk and quiet, almost like he was afraid of breaking me. However, the damage was already done. 

I was already broken. 

X

idk if this is any good, i'm sorry if it is shit. I tried my best. 

I watched the 5sos dvd again today as I missed them and it was a bad idea, It made it worse. I want to see them again :(