It's been so long since I had first
attempted ending my life and
while it may be such a long time ago,
to me, it seems to be just last week
that my life was almost cut short.
On that day, I had received news that
my best friend had passed away
in a deadly accident involving
a car crash or a burning building.
It's difficult to remember what happened
to her because of so many stories I've heard.
So much information was floating around my head
and everything was getting mixed up
with other things that had occurred that day.
I decided it was time to visit the grave of
my late friend who had stood beside me
through the bright and dark days.
With a rose in my hand, I carry myself out
of the car and shuffle to her grave.
Earlier that month, I had driven past
the graveyard with the idea to see
where my friend was buried six feet
underground. It was my intention to pay
my respects to the deceased, but
fear grasped onto me and I backed down.
I spotted my other friends whom have lost
connection with me standing above
Amber's grave. They had come to see
their late friend before I did.
Not wanting to speak to my friends from the past,
I continued to drive.
Now it was my second attempt at visiting
Amber. The area was empty, and so
I took a breath and gathered the courage
inside me to go talk to a headstone.
When I reached her grave,
I placed the rose in front of her name.
My finger had been pricked, yet
I felt no pain.
"Do you know how much I miss you?"
I whispered. There was no response
although I could feel Amber's presence.
Part of me hoped she would return despite
resurrection being an impossible feat.
The other part of me was hoping that
Amber was in a much better place now.
"It's my second attempt at coming to see you."
I continue to say.
The sun hid behind the clouds and
the areas surrounding me grew
slightly darker without the sunlight.
I didn't have anymore words to tell her,
so I left the cemetery without another word
escaping my lips.
If Amber had been there with me,
she would've rested her head on my shoulder
as a way to comfort me.
It was a way to let me know that
there was someone who trusted me.
Had Amber been alive,
I wouldn't have had to gone to a melancholy area
in the beginning.
Whether or not Amber was alive,
my second attempt had been completed.
It wasn't successful nor had it failed.
All that matter was that it happened and
I had come to peace with the situation
I was in at last.
5/11/16
YOU ARE READING
Standing
Poetry"I choose to believe there are more than three stages in life. For me, I say there are five." Eva Longsten was crumbling, but soon she found life was easier when you were breathing. She was holding onto who she was until she realized releasing he...
