Silent Words// r.s.l.

apologies.

ross followed her into the apartment. his eyes glanced around the small room they were currently in, and honestly, it hit him like a ton of bricks. it was exactly how he remembered it. she still had candles all throughout the apartment, he knew how much she was strangely obsessed with them. her laptop sat on the counter in front of one of the kitchen stools, a sign she probably still had her job. he couldn't see the other rooms, only the kitchen and the living room, but he assumed they were the same as he left them as well. messy bed, messier dresser full of pictures and knick knacks. ross almost chuckled when he thought of this, but his attention returned to the young woman standing in front of him and the pain in his chest came back.
she motioned to the kitchen table, probably the best place to talk. ross sunk into his chair and let out a deep breath. her mouth opened to speak but he quickly interrupted her.
"i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i can't live without you. without you i'm nothing. do you know how much hell i was in that first week, that first month without you? do you understand how many dates i went on without feeling anything and how many pretty girls my brothers would lust over and i wouldn't hardly notice them at all? because they weren't you. because. they. weren't. you. i still love you. and i know you probably won't feel the same way... it just needed to be said." ross finished in a shaky voice, knee bouncing under the table. he wouldn't dare look at her, so he played with the skin around his fingernails instead.
her eyes locked onto his hands, not knowing what to say. it was just so much to take in.
"why... why didn't you chase me?" she asked quietly. all the other times they would get into fights, he would come running back to her and beg for her forgiveness. but this time, he didn't.
"i guess i just thought if i gave you some space you would find someone else. someone who could make you happy. someone who doesn't mess up as much as i did. someone who would love you unconditionally and you would love them. i just wanted you happy." ross drew in a breath before correcting himself, "i just want you happy."
"you didn't love me unconditionally?"
"of course i did. do."
ross glanced up to meet her eyes. he was so so afraid that she wouldn't feel the same. what if he isn't on her mind anymore? she just said she still wanted him, sure, but was that really true? was she still in love with him? or did that kiss just bring back memories, and it's not actually him? a million questions ran through his head and he looked back down at his shaking hands. he could hear his heartbeat thump in his ears.
"ross?"
"y.. yeah?"
"i still love you."
that was all he ever needed to hear.