Normal With You

Chapter 17

I remembered you with my soul clenched

In that sadness of mine that you know.

Where were you then?

Who else was there?

Saying what?

Why will the whole of love come on me suddenly

When I am sad and feel you are far away.

His footsteps echoed one last time down the hospital corridor.

After today, he would never come back. He poked his head in the doorway, expecting her to still be fast asleep but his silent movements caught her eye before she turned away once again. "What do you want here?"

"I came to say goodbye."

"Oh." She turned her head towards the small television above her bed but it didn't really capture her attention. They had never really had time to watch tv at home and she had gotten used to the prospect of simply not bothering with it. "I figured you wouldn't stay."

"Why would I stay?" He asked, sitting down cautiously beside her. It was odd. Riaz had never really spoken to his sister. They had just never really known what it was that they could have said to each other so they resorted to silence instead.

"For me." Farhana laughed, shaking her head at the thought of it. "Why would you stay for me though?" She looked at him, goading him. Hoping he would try to deny it.

"Why would I?"

"You wouldn't. I know you wouldn't." She answered resolutely. She had accepted the truth long ago- it was easier that way. Why fight something you could never win against. "I know you wish I was never born sometimes."

Her soft whisper seemed foreign to his ears. He couldn't deny what was the absolute truth. He did wish she had never been born. Zaheer would have never used her against him. Zaheer would never have hurt her just to force him to do something and he would never have hated her knowing he had willingly allowed himself to be hurt because of her. He loved her and hated her and he would never truly convince himself otherwise.

"Don't worry Riaz." She looked at him once again, her stare penetrating the deepest recesses of his soul. "I wish I was never born too."

"Did you get into a university?"

"Ya." She barely even blinked at the obvious subject change. She had expected nothing less from her brother. "I got into Rau."

"Don't go back home. If you go back home, he'll destroy you."

"That's the funny thing." She sounded almost sad as she spoke. "He's already destroyed me."

Something was wrong with him. Why did it seem as if he had expected it? He had expected it and he felt nothing about it. Why couldn't he feel something? "What did he do to you?"

"He's turned me into him Riaz." She smiled at him, knowing he didn't particularly care. It was the way things worked in their house. He only cared for their mother and no one cared for her- It was a truth she had gotten used to much too long ago.

"Is that why you tried to kill yourself?"

"I tried to kill myself because I'm scared of myself."

"What did he make you do?" He asked, hating the change in their conversation.

"I wasn't like you." She turned her face towards the window. "I couldn't punch him when he asked me to hit her."

And then he felt his heart splinter into a million different pieces.