Normal With You

Chapter 39

Tasneem almost fell backwards as she saw the person standing in her doorway.

She was on her way to the grocery store, fitting on her flip-flop haphazardly before grabbing her money from the table by the door. They had been running dangerously low on almost everything in their house and it was taking the longest time to replenish their supplies. She was mentally calculating her budget as she opened the door, stopping dead in her tracks at the sight before her.

She smelled of powder and a perfume that had long escaped Tasneem's memory. Aamina smiled up at her granddaughter, praying the door wouldn't be slammed in her face. "Are you heading out?"

"Uhm,"Tasneem looked down at her, her thoughts still frozen in time. "Ya, but I can do the shopping later." She stood back, opening the door fully. "Would you like to come in?"

"Yes," she closed her eyes in silent prayer, "Thank you."

Tasneem closed the door silently, looking at their flat through her grandmother's eyes. It was neat and there were no clothes strewn around the floor but she was embarrassed to see the mattress on the floor and the small, rickety table jammed up against the kitchenette wall. Her granny's home was spared no expense or luxury. It was small, yes, but each and every item spoke of subtle wealth that had spanned a lifetime. Her grandmother, grandfather, father and brothers had grown up in the lap of refined money and to have someone else witness what they had been reduced to had her rubbing her neck in nervousness.

"I'm sorry that there's not much space to sit." Tasneem walked to their little table, pulling a chair out for the older woman to sit on.

"It's fine."Aamina's voice sounded odd as she brushed past Tasneem, casually grazing her knuckles with her old, weathered hands. "I didn't come to look at your home, Tasneem. I came to see you."

Tasneem's lips quirked up, still feeling awkward about their last encounter. "How did you know where we lived?"

"Your husband phoned me."

Tasneem's eyes widened. She had never expressed any desire to see her granny again, not even to him so it baffled her knowing that Riaz had called her. "Riaz phoned you?" She asked, though she wasn't even sure why.

"Uhm hmm." Aamina looked down at her hands, unsure of how it was that she could feel so completely out of her depth in her own granddaughter's home. "He thought you might like to finish our conversation."

Tasneem looked at her, her ears reddening out of guilt. "I'm sorry I walked away last time."

"It was a lot to take in." she said, brushing off Tasneem's guilt. "I'm sorry too. I'm sure you never wanted to know all those things about your father."

Tasneem shrugged, uncomfortably. "I guess I needed to know though." She could still scarcely believe that she had another brother somewhere. She had never told Riaz about her doubts regarding him nor her hopes that surrounded him. She prayed he was the antithesis of her older brother. She prayed that he was sweet and gentle and kind and that he had remained someone's hero. She never wanted to meet him or know him but she just wanted to know if he was a good man. She had never shared her thoughts with her husband about what it might have been like to grow up with another brother. If they had lived in another life and her father had another son with her mother, would her life turn out differently. They were silly, stupid ridiculous notions that she felt shy to even think about but she could never stop them from coursing through the deepest recesses of her mind.

If their father had never left, would her brother still become the monster he turned out to be? She often wondered if her father leaving was the catalyst that sent their lives spinning so far out of control that it would eventually become a black hole pulling everything into its swirling vortex. Was her father really the catalyst or was it something else entirely?