Going Insane

Diagnosis

         Sitting on a couch in Dr. Jenkins office, I look around. I’ve been here many times before but this time is different. The doc is outside talking to my mom about the test results. See they think I’m crazy, but I swear I’m not. They did some weirdo picture tests and some blood tests to see if they could maybe figure out what’s wrong. I think if anyone is crazy, it’s my psychiatrists. Who do psychiatrists see if their crazy? Another psychiatrist? Ok sooo off topic but whatever!

         Let me introduce myself. My name is Kylie. I am 16 years old and live with my mommy in a crappy little town where there’s nothing to do, like at all…. I am a junior at the only high school within city limits, and let me tell you, I hate it there. I am always changing the color of my hair so don’t be surprised if it blue one day and red the next. I am a slightly depressed person who cares way to much about my weight, but that’s like every other teenage girl on this planet, although I guess I’m a little bit different than them, but you’ll see what I mean about that a little bit later in the story, I think….

          My mommy and the Doc walk in and take a seat. My mom grabs my hand and the Doc looks at me. “So what? Am I crazy or not?” I’m pretty sure I know the answer is yes just from the atmosphere in the room. I kinda hope I’m wrong though. I really don’t want to be crazy.

           “Well I think you may be schizophrenic, there’s no way to be absolutely positive but all the signs point to it. Your mom and I decided were going to put you on Risperidone, also called Risperdal, to treat the Schizophrenia and see how you do. I know this is a lot to take in so just sit and let it sink in. do you have any questions?” He looks at me. I’m so lost, I mean I knew they were going to say crazy after I saw the look on their faces when they came back in but what the hell is schizophrenia?

           “Yeah I have a question.” He looks at me expectantly. “What the hell is Schizophrenia? Is it that one disorder where you hear voices telling you to do bad things?”

           “Yes it’s that and many other things. Schizophrenia is a serious mental illness that affects how a person thinks, feels, and behaves. The person finds it difficult to tell the difference between real and imagined experiences, to think logically, to express feelings, or to behave appropriately. People with schizophrenia may hear internal voices not heard by others or may see things that are not really there. These experiences can seem threatening and can make them fearful and withdrawn. They also may have trouble organizing their thoughts and expressing themselves. Their speech and behavior can be so disorganized that they may seem frightening to others. Does it make sense now?” I nod my head.

          He starts writing on his prescription pad and hands a paper to my mommy. He then explains about the drug but I kind of start to zone out. “Are you ready to go Babygirl?” I nod my head. We walk out of the office and go to Walgreens to put in my prescription that will be ready in about an hour. My mommy then takes me to Spectaculars for dance.

          When I get there I quickly go change and wait for class to start. Today is Monday so I have Competition and Advanced Contemporary class today. Contemporary’s first today. I slip on my purple toe undies with the gems on them onto the balls of my feet. I walk into the studio and start my stretches. We start class when the rest of the people show up. Contemporaries easy, if you pay attention. We work on our dance for the Christmas show and I of course have to do an aerial in it. I love doing aerials, when I don’t have to do it in beat to a song. Class ends and I go change my shoes to Jazz shoes. I walk into the other room where I have my Competition class and see my best friend Lexi.

          “Hey Lexi!!!” She smiles, says hey and walks over to me. “Contemporary was kind of fun today but I’m scared of the aerial I have to do in it. How was Pointe?”

          "Pointe was good, but painful. Aerials scare the shit out of you during a dance don’t they?” I nod my head. “Why the hell do they choose you to do one in every other dance?” I shrug. “So how was your appointment with Dr. Jenkins? Do they think you’re crazy?"

           “He told me I have Schizophrenia. Mommy’s probably picking up my drugs as we speak. You know how I’m scared to swallow pills don’t you?” She nods her head. “Yeah, well they put me on Risperdal and I’ve seen those pills before, their huge.”

           “Hun you’ll be fine I promise. Schizophrenia huh? Figures. If you were going to be diagnosed as an insane person you’d, out of all people, get diagnosed with that one.” She laughs and we start stretching. We sit in the splits and grab each other’s hands and she leans back, making me lean forward. We all finish stretching and start the dance we just finished learning.

           “Very good class, now who wants to hear the next song were learning!” Everyone gets a smile on their face and start trying to figure out the song. “How about I let you guess. Here I’ll give you a hint. It’s an easy song to dance to and is from a movie that people watch during Halloween and Christmas. The song is about seeing snow for the first time.” BING!!!!! Light bulb goes off in my head! I raise my hand and Ms. Laura picks me.

             “Are we doing a song from The Nightmare before Christmas?” she nods her head. “And are we doing the song ‘What’s this’?” she nods her head again and everyone squeals in delight. She starts to teach us the dance and of course Aiden gets to be Jack Skelington. “Stupid tall Asian brother! He always gets to be the best characters in our dances!” Lexi rolls her eyes at me when we get out of class.

             “So do you want a ride home or is your mom picking you up with your loopy meds?”

             “Mommy’s picking me up to give me the loopy meds and take me to dinner.” Just then Mom pulls into the parking lot and I get in her car. She drives to IHOP and we go in and take a seat. The waitress comes to get our drink orders and rushes off to go prepare them and give us time to look at the menu. I already know what I’m getting I just have to decide if I want blueberries or strawberries on top of my stuffed French toast. The waitress comes back and Mom hands me to pills and tells me to take them.

            “Now you have to take one of them three times a day. You get one at breakfast, lunch and dinner. You have to eat when you take them or it can make you sick so you can’t skip any meals during the day. I’ll take you to school tomorrow to give them to your nurse for when you take them at lunch.” I nod my head and force the little pill down my throat. She then warns me about all the side effects. It makes me gag a little before I get it fully down and take a giant gulp of my Dr. Pepper. I hate pills. I have a fear of swallowing them, sharp objects like knives and needles, a fear of my shirt color to high up on my neck and a fear of being alone.

            We order our food and mom and I talk about school and dance. I told her about the dances we’re doing and how Aiden gets to be Jack Skelington. We eat our food and pay for our meal and I go home and try to go to sleep. I lie down and suddenly get really dizzy. I stand up and run to my bathroom across the hall. Stupid side effects making me need to throw up! I really hope this doesn’t last all night or the whole time I’m on this drug.

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So new story. Picture is of the main character Kylie. If theres a song on the side it should be Schizo by BrokeNcyde. Big insperation for the story being how Kylie's schizo. Hopefully I'll upload again soon and keep up with this story better then the other story i'm writing.