The vampire's wolf

The vampire's wolf-Chapter 7- The illusion of reality

Budu li ya chuvstvovat' sebya zhivym , yesli ya pozvolyu illyuzii v moyey real'nosti?

Dimitri’s P.O.V.

“Are you done?” I asked with my eyebrow raised.

I was hungry, cranky and Rayne and Sasha weren’t really helping.

The two of them were bent over each other, red from the laughter.

The whole diner was looking at us by now, some people smirking, some full out laughing and some watching us like we’re aliens.

And it wasn’t even that funny.

I mean, I only told them about how I was going to try and get along with Lucian, not some world class joke or something.

I didn’t tell them about everything though. Just the part where I agreed to try this mating with him.

It was weird for me. I’ve never been with a man before. Only girls and rarely something over a month. I wasn’t a player though. Not a playboy nor a douche. I just couldn’t find anyone to ever keep my interest so long.

No one seemed to have the same tastes as me, or like the same music as me, be my other half generally.

Most of the time, I liked how my relationships were though. There wasn’t any obligation or pressure. I’m pretty sure I never loved any of the girls I dated too.

But sometimes I was lonely. Sure, I could go out and get a girl and I did it a couple of times, but the loneliness didn’t go away. There was like this empty hole in my stomach and it was aching.

Nothing was able to fill it. Not girls, not sex, not alcohol, not games, nothing.

Until now.

The time I spent with Lucian was something amazing. And we were just sitting and talking.

Well, he did most of the talking, telling me stories and answering my questions, but his voice filled the hole in my stomach.

He made the loneliness go away and replaced it with happiness. I felt whole like no other time in my life.

I didn’t need to turn to having sex with random strangers or drowning in alcohol to make the dull ache go away.

And it all felt so right. I was stunned really. That such simple gestures and spending time together could be so pleasurable.

And even the submitting part…

My words are still sanding. I’m scared. Scared of letting someone take away my control. To take away the control of my body. It was all so foreign and horrifying to me.

But I said I was willing to try and I am.

Even if it means giving my control over to somebody.

Yes, I’m a control freak.

It doesn’t show. Ever. I learned how to hide it very well and when you’re drunk you don’t really have much control, so people never suspect.

No one knows, but me.

I can’t live without control. If a person doesn’t have control, they are prone to do something that could be bad for them and their environment. Not having control is bad.

If you don’t have control you can be hurt. People can easily brake your walls and shields, throw away your swords and steal your happiness, love and sanity.

You’re left broken, crushed and dead inside, just an empty shell of a man you once were and it leaves you still open for other people to walk on you, crush you even more until you turn to dust and finally disappear.