5sos One Shots

invisible

TRIGGER WARNING : SELF HARM, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND SUICIDE ATTEMPTS. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. stay safe.

"Can we stop writing right now?" Calum asked, tears blurring his vision. None of the boys look up so his tears go unnoticed.

"We're almost done," Luke mumbled as he fiddled with the strings of his guitar.

Calum frowned looking at his messy handwriting. If he could finish it then he could get out of there. He looked over what he had written.

Another day of painted walls and football on the TV
No one sees me
I fade away lost inside a memory of someone's life
It wasn't mine
I was already missing,
Before the night I left
Just me and my shadow and all of my regret
Who am I?
Who am I?
When I don't know myself
Who am I?
Who am?
Invisible.

Calum sighed and glared at the boys. He just wrote the most depressing lyrics he had ever written and the boys didn't even blink. When Ashton refused to work on Broken Home the boys cuddled him and held him while he was sad.

Ironically, he felt invisible.

Through angry, sad and frustrated tears he began to sprawl words across the paper, not caring if it made any sense. It made sense to him.

About 30 minutes later he was satisfied with the song he wrote and stood up, a surge of anger coursing through his veins.

"There's your fucking song," Calum spit, "put it to music and there you go. Glad I could help."

Feldy stood up, clearly the most concerned, but Cal just flipped him off and walked out of the studio and into his and Ashton's shared bedroom of their LA house.

As he locked his room, threw his shoes by the door and plopped on his bed, he sighed sadly. It wasn't the boys fault. He had never told any of them how he felt, so why would he except them to understand?

He heard shuffled feet and a knock on the door but he ignored it. It was probably Ashton and he felt bad for locking the boy out of his room but he brushed it off. How could you share a room with someone and not hear their cries at night? Ashton wasn't even a heavy sleeper.

"Cal, can you please open the door?" It was Ashton. "I just want to get my pajamas."

Calum's heart broke. Ashton didn't even care. He just wanted his fucking PJ's. Cal pulled himself off the bed, wiping away escaped tears, and swung open the door. "Get your fucking shit and get out."

Ashton visibly flinched and Calum could see the worried expressions etched onto Michael and Luke's faces. Calum watched as Ashton shuffled around the room collecting things he'd need for the night. Once finished Ashton left and shut the door without even a 'goodnight' or 'we're here for you'.

He let himself drop to the floor and lean against the door. He didn't care as tears fled down his face. All he could ask himself if the other boys were there for him. It sure didn't seem like it.

The thoughts disappeared as he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. Calum pulled it out and blinked his eyes a few times to rid the blurriness before reading the text he received

From: Feldy

10:09 p.m.

Keep your head up, kid 

Calum sniffled. John was like a second dad to him- a tour dad if you will- and it meant a lot. Calum wiped his tears with the back of his hand before responding.

Touring is hard. Banding is hard.

Immediately the small letter by the message changed from 's' to 'r'. He smiled knowing John was waiting for him to respond. It felt like someone actually cared, and not just cared about him as a bassist.