Close As Strangers » a.i

07

- Ashton's Point of View -

"What do you mean Tilly is coming on tour with us?" I paced back and fourth down the hallway, hitting the side of a bunk every so often.

"I mean she's coming on tour with us? How clear do you want it?" Michael spoke.

"Shut the fu-" I shouted, to be cut off by Luke.

"Ashton, I know she's your ex or whatever the hell you two are, but she's our friend. We always invite friends on tour. This tour is just ends up being Tilly"

"But guys, It's going to be so awkward" I sighed, sitting down in the living area with the boys thinking of all the possible situations of where it could go wrong with Tilly being here. Yes I loved her more than anything, but with our current situation, I'm not sure tour is the best route to go.

"Only because you made it awkward. But hey, it might give you two a chance to talk things over" Calum shrugged, taking another sip of his water.

"I messed up didn't I?" Slamming my hand down on the table, and taking it back fast. "Ouch" I rubbed my hand.

"Yep" The boys all said in chorus, taking out their phones.

I joined in and scrolled through Instagram, liking photos I saw on my feed, when I then fell upon Tilly.

'@tillyhardache: now it feels we're as close as strangers' with a photo attached of her sat down on the floor in front of a mirror, oversized pyjama shirt, messy bun, messy bed sheets behind her.

She looked beautiful.

To then see the comments, and my name.

'drama drama drama'

'what happened between you and ashton????'

'ur so hot'

'isn't that ashton's top !!!'

She was right. That was my top. The first top I ever gave her. The one she always said was her favourite and reminded her of me.

"Dude, you got indirected" Michael laughed, followed by Calum and Luke crowding around his phone.

"What? What are you talking about?"

"Tils, her Instagram"

"Oh, I know" I muttered before we all sat there in silence.

"She looks hot though" Calum shrugged and went back to his phone.

"Knock it off" I shouted, "I still love her, none of you are trying anything with her".

"Calm down, we wasn't planning on? Just text her, explain you messed up and miss her. You guys have been together for like years, I don't know, try and help the situation for when she comes in a few days?" Luke kicked his feet on the table with mine, feeling it shake underneath.

I let out a 'Mmm' to know I acknowledged Luke, and pulled up Tilly's contact which was still under the name 'Tils x'. What would I say? Do I say I love her? Do I say I miss her? Do I ask her to sort things out? Does she even love me? Would she want to be with me still?

Overthinking Ashton, overthinking...

I ran my thumb over the phone and text icon, wondering which to choose.

"Back soon" I mumbled before stepping off the tour bus into the arena carpark, not realising how many people would be outside. I waved at a few fans before travelling to the other side and making sure no one could see or hear me before pressing the phone icon. I breathe became unsteady as I wasn't sure if Tilly would answer or not, I mean, we broke up and I didn't even give her an explanation.

"Tilly?" I said as I heard her breathing on the other end.

"Ashton"

"Oh my god I missed you so much, I am so sorry for everything Tils, I ca-"

"Don't call me that, my name's Tilly"

"S-sorry, Tilly, I can't explain to you how much I messed everything up but I have never regretted something so much in my life. I love you so much, I can't be without you Tilly. Please, give me another shot" Everything spilled out my mouth and before I know it, it all sunk back in. "I mean, um, please?"

"You fucked some other girl Ashton? What do you mean give you another shot? You messed up something you'll never get back. Yes, I love you too but that changes nothing, absolutely nothing"

"Who told you..."

"It doesn't matter who told me?"

"It was Michael wasn't it, that boy, I'll-"

"You'll do nothing Ashton, I asked him, he answered. It's more of an answer that I ever got from you. He told me because he cares about me and I k-"

"I care about you!" I basically screamed and the screaming from the fans died down. To then hear soft whimpers from the other end of the line didn't help the situation. "Tilly, please baby, it meant nothing. I met an ex and it really got to me, more than it should have because I had you, and you mean everything to me, you really do"

"Just because it got to you, doesn't mean you go and sleep with someone to make her jealous" She cried, and I knew this wouldn't end well.

" I know, I know and I'm sorry. Truly am Tilly. On the phone I can tell that you wanna move on, through the tears I can hear that I shouldn't have gone, every day gets harder to stay away from you Tilly, honestly, you mean the world to me, I don't want the past 2 years to be thrown away like nothing ever happened. The past few years have been the best thing that has ever happened to me" I leant against the bus, dragging myself down and hitting the floor. When Tilly cried I hated it, and knowing it was because of me made me hate myself.

"I get it, honestly the past few years have been the best years of my life as well. I just don't understand why Ashton, that's all" She sniffled and a loud thud echoed through the line.

"Tilly? Hello? Are you okay?" I panicked.

"Yeah I'm fine, it's just the front door" She coughed, trying to stop crying. "I need to go Ashton"

"Who is that? and Tilly, please promise me something" I pleaded.

"It's just my mum, and I can try"

"When you join us, we will sit down somewhere and talk through this. I can't live without you"

"I have to go As-"

"Please Tilly"

"Bye Ashton" 

The phone call ended and I felt my heart stop, wondering if I had just lost Tilly for good. When I saw water land on my phone screen, I knew I had also started to cry. I wiped my eyes and stood up, walking back around the tour bus, waving at the fans who had all fallen silent and giving me sympathetic looks. As I entered the tour bus, I ignored the boys questions and went straight to the other lounge. Scrolling through Twitter all I could see was tweets about mine and Tilly's phone call and me crying. They had heard. They knew the dilemma I was in. 

' @hardachetils: everything has changed ' soon came up along my timeline. She was right, everything has changed, and I would do anything to try and get her back.

' @Michael5sos: are u quoting ed sheeran and taylor swift pal' 

' @hardachetils: only for you babe'

Babe? What the fuck had happened? Do I confront Michael about telling Tilly or do I leave it like she asked me too?

I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair, '@Ashton5sos: won't give up, even though it hurts so much'.

' @hardachetils: now it feels we're as close as strangers'

' @hardachetils: if anyone tells you to hold on and wait, don't, do what is best for you and let go'

-

BACK NEARLY 2 YEARS LATER

THIS IS REALLY BAD, IM SORRY, IM JUST EXCITED TO BE WRITING AGAIN