BREATHE

Part 4

" Are you crazy? I can not back to there!, NO! It does not matter I do not want to be in that house any more and you can not change my decision. Yes, I know but now is not the moment. I miss you too baby. How can you think about that? no, of course not. Just give me some time. I need time alone to think. Of course I love you, it is not your fault. Please you have to understand, you do not have anything to do with it. It is my broken family. Just wait. Please. I love you"

-Camila-

She was hating me at that moment, I knew it. but I could not go back to that place. I was too far. I loved her more than I have loved myself but was not easy to me. Apart from her, I did not have anyone for me in that town. I really did not want to go back, How could I say this to her? I was going to break her heart and I could not deal with the guilty of doing that. I could not do that to her. She had been the best thing that had happened to me and I was ruining our happiness running away. I only needed time. It was only matter of time.

I did not know how to live alone but I was trying to do my best to get some food to survive for a week at least. I have been playing the guitar to earn some money but it was not enough.

She tried several times to contact me but I did not answer her calls or mails. I wanted to be alone even if after all she was going to forget me. I was doing it for myself this time.

It passed almost a month since the day I fled, and I still felt that I missed her everyday, It did not matter what I did or where I was, she was always there, inside my mind. She was in every step I had made, I was really thinking that I could not ever be able to forget her.

I lived well, I could not complain about it. I remade my life in a small town close to L.A, I found a job in a coffee shop and I had been going to a new school in which I had some friends, I rented an apartment which I shared with a girl from work. I was quite happy but I still had a feeling of emptiness, like if something was missing. I had not realized that my life was not even completely complete at all.I had lost a piece of me three month ago, and I did not know how to recover. I was thinking that my whole life was going to be lonely and deep inside I knew I was going to be sad for the rest of my days, because the reason of my happiness was her, and she will always would be.

-Lauren-

I had been in contact to her since that phone call. I had not heard from her in three months. I was losing my mind slowly and I could not find a way to talk to her or to see her.

The night when she disappeared for ever, I talked with my parents and my sibling about her, about the way she could make me feel and what important was for me. I explained every detail of my feelings and of our problems, of course my mother disapproved my decision of being in love with a girl, strangely my father thought a little bit different than my mother but he did not say a word during the conversation. A few hours later I was sitting in my bed thinking about her like I always did, when my father knock on the door, and then he entered into the room. He said he completely understand me because he passed for a similar situation but he explain that he was not gay, of course something that I already know, he said he wanted a normal life for me , with children and husband. but he understood what was truly love and that he would be happy only if I was happy. at any cost. So, he grabbed a suitcase and put some of my things inside and told me to go to find the love of my life and not rest until I find her. Afterwards he helped me to left my house and gave me some money.

I have been looking in different towns trying to find her, I asked for her to people who passed across me but no one seemed to meet her. In every step I took I felt my heart break into a thousand pieces , I could feel no longer pumped in the same way , the blood flowing through my veins had no strength. I could not even breath. I needed her to be alive.

I started to think that she had forgot me, and she had made a new life without me. Even that she could be happy without me. Every time I thought in that, I cried till I asleep.