In love with a pigs heart

Chapter 1: Not the normal girl

What happens when your life become dependent on your fate ? Till the point where you're forced to enter a war with yourself. It's either you live or you die.

What happens when your mind becomes messed up till the point where you can't distinguish the good and evil? And everyone around you seems to be secretly talking about you. My mind isn't normal. It likes to trick me into thinking that I'm just a "chance."I'm that one multiple choice question everyone seems to eliminate first. I'm as useless as the white crayon in a perfectly unused box of crayons.

At times I feel like someone will pick me up and use me to color. But then... You realize that it's not gonna happen. Why? Because pencil leads were made to be black and drawn on white paper. And even if you still use me.. I'll be invisible on that white paper.

I'm just a rotten apple in golden skin. Nobody knows the real me.

I tried... I tried to tell someone. The response I get was, "Oh Luna, why are you depressed when you have all these things around you." In my mind I'm thinking 'nobody will understand. It's like asking someone why they have asthma when they have all this oxygen.' Who am I to complain? As if complaining makes much of a difference.
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It's September 8th 2015. Tomorrows my first day of he- I mean school. I'll be a freshman at a new school, Forest Hills High. I'm already internally sobbing. There is gonna be so many human beings there. I let out a deep sigh. I'll be lucky to make at least one friend.

I peek over to my phone, where the brightness of the screen blinds my eye. 'It's 1:37am!' I say to myself. I shut my eyes trying to fall asleep. Next thing you know, I'm imagining scenarios in my mind that I wish could happen. Very few things make me happy... Maybe it's because I've never been exposed to the true meaning of love. Except for one person, my mom. She may not be here, but just thinking about her makes me happy. A small smile creeks on my face as I think about the moment all this can happen when I can finally visit my mother up there.  The place where nightmares and black holes don't exist.

In instant second, I turn back to my depressing thoughts. 'Why are you waiting when you can do it now? It's not like leaving this world will make any difference, and if you do it now then you can see your mother. The only consequence you'll face is a little bit of pain when attempting it.. But after a few seconds, you'll be back in your mothers arm in no time.'

I wake myself up and push the white blanket off myself as I rush to the bathroom. The cold tiles make contact with my feet causing me to shiver. I stare at my face that is now covered in salt tears. I stare for minutes and see nothing but pure useless flesh. I open the cabinet behind the mirror and pull out a gold chain heart necklace. I pop the locket necklace and stare at the pale skin, green eyed, dark hair figure pecking her nose on a younger version of me.

I sit down on the cold floor with my head tucked in my knees and one arm around my knee and the other holding the necklace towards my chest. 'We will try again... We will try again..." I whisper as tears run down my face.

I can hear my heart pounding, with every beat pounding louder. All of a sudden I hear my name being called.

"LUNA!"

"LUNA!"  The pounding gets harder.

"If you don't open this goddamn door in 15 seconds, you'll be lucky if you don't get hospitalized!" The sound of my annoying stepdad fills my ear.

I guess I cried myself to sleep... Again.

"15,14,13..."

"I'm coming!"

I open the door and peek my head out.

"What in bloody hell were you doing there?!" He screams at me with an eardrum ripping voice.

"I was asleep.." I say as I try not to flip on an attitude, cause if I did, lord knows what would happen to me.

"So get your bum up and get ready for school!"

I stare at the slightly buffed figure as he trembles down the stairs. Or should I say 'it'.. I don't even like classifying him as human.

Back to the day. First day of school.. Yay! Not.

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