Scribbles

Suicidal

Date Started: 5.7.16
Date Finished: 5.8.16
Summary: Ariana getting all the hate and Harry not knowing about her suicide attempts.

Song for the imagine:
She Lays Down by The 1975

A R I A N A

Becoming Harry's wife has some perks but there will always be some disadvantages. I couldn't be anymore than happy being with Harry for the rest of my life but after a few weeks after our wedding, the media found out about it and just like that it was all out in public. Harry and I wanted to desperately wait for the perfect time to announce it ourselves but I guess the media has to ruin that one for us too.

Unfortunately, his fans wasn't a fan of the 'sudden' announcement and ever since then things just got worse. Some of them already hated me right from the beginning of Harry and I's relationship but now that we got married, the hate was just too much.

I think to myself, am I really the slut they perceive me as? Jumping from one man and relationship to another.  Am I really that much of an unworthy person and a waste of space to not deserve Harry's attention? Have I done something wrong to them? Am I just not that good enough for Harry?

I know that I'm not that good-looking but they don't have to edit certain photos of me to make it look like I was cheating on Harry or Harry was cheating on me. One even went as far as uploading a video of two strangers having sex where some people believed I was actually the girl in it. The title has of the video had my name on it in bold letters which caused it to gain over a million views that I'm sure Harry heard of it.

They were comparing me being a bigger slut than Harry's ex-girlfriend, Taylor Swift. I wasn't really bothered by what they thought about me but the fact that Taylor was involved is what sickens me. She's a wonderful friend of mine and Harry's.

Most of my fans stood up for me, which made me feel a little less like a piece of shit that's just a waste of space on Earth as what they all say. Harry knew about the hate but he never knew how much it worsened and because of it, I use sleeping pills just so I can sleep at night and not pathetically curl up in a ball in bed especially when Harry's out shooting for the movie, Dunkirk. He also doesn't know that I cut since I've always kept them hidden underneath my sleeves.

Since Harry almost everyday comes home late, we never got the time to talk as much as we used to. I've taught myself to never really care about what people think even before I started my music career and Harry has always reminded me how beautiful I am and how much he loves me. And I really do believe him but it all just keeps getting worse and worse everyday.

I've thought about deactivating all of my social media accounts but I don't want them to think that they had won no matter how true it is and just think that I'm pathetic and weak. I also tried calling Lexie but due to the unfortunate time difference and work, she can't always answer my calls.

My thoughts quickly faded when I hear Harry's footsteps becoming louder as he approaches our bedroom. Once he finds me sitting on the edge of the bed, he gives me his dimpled smile and I gave him my famous fake smile that I'm sure I practiced enough to make anyone fall for. Even my own family and husband.

"The breakfast was delicious Ari. Are you sure you already ate?" He asks me as he takes his shirt off, changing into a long-sleeved button down shirt. He buttons up a few buttons then leaves the rest open, giving everyone a view of his broad tattooed chest. I give him a small reassuring smile. "Yes, I'm sure"