The voices woke me up.
Worthless.
He didn't want to invite you.
He had to.
I whimpered and sat up on the bed.
"Stop," I cried
You're nothing to him.
A mistake.
"Please."
You deserve to die.
Don't tell me you want to live now.
Die, die.
Be the coward you are.
I stood up and raced to the bathroom, locking the door behind me.
I quickly got the screw out of its hiding place and sat down on the toilet.
Once sitting down I started.
"One, for being worthless,
Two, for being a mistake,
Three, for being unwanted,
Four, for being a coward,
Five, for being useless,
Six, for being friendless,
Seve-"
"Cheyene, it's Dr.Evans, I just wanted to say that it's Wednesday, I wanted to know if you were going to come," he said through the door.
My arms were covered in red and my whole body was shaking, but the feeling of bliss was there, enveloping me in a warm, peaceful state.
"Are you alright in there," Dr.Evans asked, rapping his knuckles on the door.
"O-oh, yea I'm fine, j-just getting cleaned up," I called out, hoping he wouldn't push the subject anymore.
I stood up walking over to the sink to wash my arms off.
What the doctor said next I didn't hear, the moment of pain the water gave to my arms was huge. Huge enough for it to be the only thing I could focus on.
"Cheyenne," Dr.Evans asked," did you hear me?"
"Hhmm, oh I'm sorry, what were you saying."
"I was asking if you would come tonight."
I thought about it for a minute before making a decision that would change my life.
"I'll come."
《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》
That night I got ready.
As ready as I could be.
I dressed up in my usual attire; stained sweat pants and t-shirts.
I sat down on my bed, waiting for Dr.Evans to come get me.
I couldn't help but think that this was a mistake. Nobody would like me. I probably would make a fool of myself.
Before I could change my mind about going my door opened revealing Dr.Evans.
"Are you ready Cheyenne," Dr.Evans asked.
"Uh, yea, as ready as I'll ever be."
"Great, just follow me."
I got up from my bed and followed Dr.Evans through empty hallways untill we got to a exit.
He pushed on the door and it opened to the cool night.
Patients lined lit pathways, and tables filled with food.
"Go, make a new friend," Dr.Evans said, smiling.
I let out a quiet laugh and walked over to a girl around my age.
The girl noticed me and smiled at me.
"Hey, my names Jessica, what's yours."
"I'm Cheyenne, Dr.Evans wanted me to talk to someone and you were the first person I saw that looked around my age."
A nurse walked over before Jessica could answer and handed her two small pills.
The nurse didn't leave until Jessica put the pills in her mouth and showed that she swallowed them.
When the nurse left Jessica put her fingers in her mouth and pulled out the two pills.
"Woah, how'd you do that," I asked.
"I hide them, I'm not taking these things," Jessica answered.
An idea started forming in my mind. An idea that could work if I planned it right.
I smiled before asking Jessica the question that changed my life.
"Hey, Jessica, could I have those pills."
《》《》《》《》》》《》》》》
Jessica gave me the pills without hesitation and for that I was glad.
I went to the dinner every Wednesday to get the pills.
Every other day I spent with Dr.Evans, with him trying to get me to talk to him.
I never did though and hopefully by tonight he won't have have to try with me anymore.
It was hopefully the last day of my existence.
Dr.Evans was trying to get my story out of me and I suprised him by actually talking.
"I'll tell you, but it I have to do it in letter, by myself, in my room."
Dr.Evans looked at me, as if he was trying to figure out if I was planning to harm myself with a pencil and paper.
"I'm not going to harm myself Doc," I said.
"Oh alright, but you only have 30 minutes."
30 minutes should be enough time.
"Okay."
Dr.Evans handed me a dull pencil and a thin piece of paper.
I walked to my room, remembering the good times. The times my family was happy. The times I was happy.
I got to my room, stopping at my door.
This is it.
I put my hand on the door handle and twisted.
Here we go.
《》《》《》《》《》《》》》
I know I know.
It's been like a month since I updated.. I'm sooo sorry.
But the next chapter will be the last and it will hopefully be up tonight.
I don't even know if people read this anymore.
-Skylar
