The trees seemed like they would never end on the way to the hospital.
Looking out the window all I saw was endless amounts of trees.
The only road I saw was the one we were driving on until we came to a small clearing that held a short gravel driveway leading up to a huge building.
"We're here," my mom said, pulling up the driveway.
I sighed and slowly unbuckled, not wanting to go any closer, much less be a patient in it, to the hospital.
The weather was nice and the sky was a cloudless blue. The gravel under my feet crunched with every step I took.
Before I knew it, we were standing at the entrance of the hospital. The one I was forced to go into.
"Any chance on changing your mind," I asked.
My mom just glared at me before saying, "No."
I pushed the doors open angrily, not holding it open for my mom.
After I left the medical hospital I've been nothing but mean to her. Rough, yes, but she deserved it. She's barley even spoken to me. The voices say she's just showing her true feelings. I knew she really didn't love me.
I waited for my mom at the reception desk, leaning against it, feeling and probably looking extremely bored.
Once my mom got to the desk she explained my "condition" and the brunette receptionist smiled and said, " Is this Cheyenne."
My mother nodded.
"Alright, we'll Cheyenne welcome to Beacon House, you can have few minutes to say goodbye and then I'll show you your room," the receptionist said, finishing off with a kind smile.
I smiled back. " I don't need to say goodbye."
The nurse looked surprised, her brown eyes widening but covered it up with another charming smile. "Well okay, follow me then."
I followed the receptionist through a long white hallway, doors with patients in them lining each side.
We finally stopped at a door identical to the others except this one had little brass numbers saying 164.
"Okay, this is your room. A doctor will be in here soon to go over some things with you."
I looked up at her. So naive. So foolish. She doesn't see the world as it is.
I opened the door to my room, stepping inside, closing the door behind me.
While I looked around the small room, the only thing I heard was the soft click of the receptionists black heels clicking down the never ending hallway.
*~*
The roon I was in was small. It had a twin sized bed with plastic covering the mattress, a large plain blanket, and two pillows.
There was a small closet with slippers and clothes. And with clothes I mean stained sweat pants and a size to large white shirt.
Beside the closet was a small bathroom with a shower, toilet, and a sink. There wasn't a mirror, probably so I wouldn't break it and use it to harm myself.
Anything that I could use to potentially harm myself with is gone.
There was a small plastic window, showing the outside of the hospital.
I was looking out the window when the doctor came in.
He was clean looking. He had a newly shaved chin with clear blue eyes and brown hair combed to the side.
"Hello, you must be Cheyenne," he said with a deep voice.
I nodded and sat down on the bed, making a crinkly sound fill the room.
"Okay, well first off I need to see your hands," the doctor said.
I reluctantly held out my hands to him not knowing what he was going to do.
When he grabbed my hand I shuddered, remembering my dad's hands on me.
He pulled out some nail clippers and started clipping my nails off, down to my skin.
"This is a mandatory procedure so you can't hurt yourself," he smiled, probably seeing my confused face.
A quiet 'oh' escaped my lips and he continued with my other hand.
Once he was finished he looked at me and started talking.
"Cheyenne, your mom knows you're hurting. She says she might not know the full reason but she wants you to be better. She doesn't want her only daughter hurting. And yes, she might seem mad at you but that's because what you tried to do. Do you know why?"
I shook my head not having any idea why my mom would be mad at me.
"It's because you tried to take yourself away from her. She's also hurting but she wouldn't dare try to leave you in this world by yourself. Do you understand now?"
I nodded. But I didn't understand. Why would my mom care?
"The voices say she doesn't care," I whispered, but quickly slapped a hand over my mouth. He probably thinks I'm crazy now.
"It's okay," he smiled, a kind smile, " we all have voices, we just all choose to ignore them. But not you. You gave in to the voices. Can you tell me why?"
I shook my head again.
"Why not," he asked.
"I don't like to see people cry," I said.
"I'm not crying," he replied.
"Your not now," I whispered," but if I told you my story, or if you could read my mind I can almost guarantee that you would be in tears."
"I just don't want to be the person in tears anymore," I added, my voice cracking with emotion," but I don't want to wish my tears on anyone else so I have to be the person in tears. I have to be the person that cries themselves to sleep. I have to be the person that self harms. I have to be the person that hears the voices and wants to kill themselves even if I don't want to, because nobody else wants to. I have to be the person that feels what he did to me everyday. I have to be the person that feels like she's missing apart of herself because her bestfriend and sister is gone. I have to be the person that's so fucked up that nobody wants her, because I don't want anybody else to be that person. But I don't want to be that person anymore. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of being that person that nobody likes. I'm tired and I just want to go in a everlasting sleep because I'm so done. I've been done. For such a long time. I just didn't want anybody to know because if they know they might become that person. Nobody deserves that. So when people like me kill themselves it's so that nobody can hear their inside screams for help. Because once they hear those screams they will want to help. But they can't. Because unlike broken objects broken girls can't be fixed. And if they do then you might not want to get to close because it's just a matter of time before the glue that's holding them together comes unglued and they break apart all over again. And there's no louder scream then of a broken girl becoming broken all over again because it hurts. It hurts like hell."
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I think this is the longest chapter I've ever done.
We're so close to reaching 200 reads. I'm so happy!!!
You guys that are reading are making my dream come true. Thank you so much!!
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