Love On A Record

Chapter 8

Peeta

I walk in my trailer after our concert feeling completely exhausted. Katniss had seemed disappointed when I told her I was leaving, but I wasn't gonna sit back and watch her get drunk with a bunch of guys who had VIP passes.

She told me before she had struggled with drinking and that's what threw her off the deep end in the first place. I'd thought she learned her lesson. But she apparently let it happen again.

I take a shower and go to bed, still worried about what might happen to Katniss if she keeps up what she was doing tonight.

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I'm woken up about an hour later to the opening and closing of the pocket door that separates my bedroom from the rest of the trailer. I look up to see Katniss standing at the end of the bed. I look at her questioningly. She reaches behind her back and I hear more than see across the dark room the zipper of her tight dress come down and the shinny blue fabric slips off her fit lethe body, pooling at her feet.

"Katniss, what are you?" I barely get the words out as she crawls up onto my bed. She sits on my stomach and leans over me clad only in black lace lingerie.

"I'm letting you do whatever you want to me," she whispers. "I want you to use me."

"Katniss this isn't-" I'm cut off by her lips as she kisses me, hungrily and demanding. Her hands cup my cheeks and she presses herself against me, letting me feel all the curves and dips of her body. She pulls away and frowns because I didn't kiss back.

"What's the matter with you?" She asks. She looks down at my hands resting at my sides, takes them in her's , and brings them to her ample chest. "Don't you want me? I know you do. I saw you staring earlier tonight. Now I'm telling you to touch me however you want, and you won't even do it unless I force you." I move my hands away from her body.

"You are drunk, Katniss," I say "I saw you stumbling around two hours ago."

"Then it won't matter," she says. "I probably won't remember any of this then."

"And when you wake up in here with a hangover tomorrow, what happens then?" I ask. She gets off me and turns away.

"Then we go on with our lives," she says. "After all, it's not like means anything. It's just sex. Just getting through the night."

"It wouldn't be like that to me," I say. "It's never just sex." She turns to look at me again and rolls her eyes.

"Yeah, maybe I used to think that too," she says. "But I've done this a lot in the last two, almost three years now. And after that guy I gave everything to broke my heart, I figured it all out. It's just two people using each other until one gets tired of the other. No one loves anyone or anything."

"You really believe that?" I ask.

"I gave everything to my first boyfriend when I was nineteen," she says. "And yeah, I guess I mat have thought that I loved him, but after I let him screw me, he dropped me like I was nothing. So I just try to feel something to take the pain alcohol and drugs won't." She laughs and I see tears in her eyes as she smiles sadly. "You know, sometimes it's nice to have someone warm to curl up next to when you are feeling lonely. Running their fingers gently across your skin." She looks down then. "But there's never two people in that bed when the sun comes up. I'm not making the mistake of letting my heart get broken again."

I don't know what else to say and when I'm silent, she lays across my abdomen and blinks at me.

"Look Peeta," She says. "I'm drunk, I'm horny, and willing to let us be friends with benefits or whatever you want," she says. "So you gonna screw me or am I totally wasting my time with you tonight?"

"Katniss, I can't do that to you,"
I say. "You mean too much to me to let this happen. It doesn't matter how much I want this, I can't sleep with you."

"Why not?" She asks. "If you want to and I want you too, then why not?"

"Because," I start before sighing from my embarrassment. "Well, I'm in love with you." She stares at me for a moment, as though to see if I was lying, and then frowns.

"Peeta, I'm trash," she says. "I'm a drunken slut who doesn't deserve to be loved by someone like you. Fucked? Sure. But love? I'm the last person in this world who you should fall in love with. I'm a ticking time bomb."

"Yeah," I say. "But that doesn't matter to me. I don't see you like that. I see a beautiful girl who's been hurt too many times in her life. So many times that the only reason to get over that pain is whiskey and sex." She closes her eyes and I see tears start to slip from her eyes. I sit up as sobs start to rock her body. I carefully pull her into my arms and hold her to my chest as she cries.

"Oh, God, what's wrong with me," she cries, her tears falling on my shirt.

"Shhh," I whisper, gently rubbing her back and shoulder. "There is nothing wrong with you. You got your heart broken before you even had any idea what love was. It isn't your fault that you've been doing this, Katniss. And I won't ever let you forget that. I don't want you to ever feel like you don't deserve someone loving you."

She lifts her head and looks at me. Her mascara is streaked across her cheeks and her eyes are full of unshed tears.

"Come on," I say as I start to get up. "Let's get you cleaned up, okay?" She doesn't move right away so I help her up and take her into the tiny bathroom. She sits down on the toilet and I start washing her face. She suddenly grabs my wrist and pulls my hand away from her face.

"Can I stay here tonight?" She asks.

"Of course," I say before looking down at her shivering in her undergarments. "Let me get you something to sleep in." She nods and I go to my closet and pull out a pair of my boxers and a pale blue T-shirt. I hand it to her and she stands up and pull on the clothing. She looks at me, her face clear of the heavy makeup, her eyes puffy and her face blotchy from crying. She looks at her reflection and laughs.

"Look at me," she says. "What a fucking mess." I gently lift her chin and make her look at me.

"I ain't gonna lie," I say. "You look like hell, Kat. But you're gonna be okay. I'm always gonna be here when you need me. You don't need to keep going out looking for what you came looking for tonight. I'll take care of you whenever you need it, okay?" She nods and wraps her arms around my shoulders.

"I will never deserve you," she whispers. "You think I do, but you are the first person to ever tell me the truth, Peeta. I don't deserve someone who would do that."

"Well you don't deserve a liar," I say. "You deserve someone who will treat you right, with respect." I walk over to the bed and lay down. She follows suit and curls up close to me.

"You know, you are the first guy who's ever had me in his bed who didn't try anything with me," she says. I reach out and brush her hair away from her face. I smile at her and she smiles back. "Kiss me."

"What?" I ask and she leans closer to me.

"Just a kiss good night, Peeta," she says. "That can't hurt anything. I just want to see what it's like to feel you kiss me back." I feel her soft lips meet mine and this time, I do kiss back, feeling everything I kept hidden for nearly six months finally off my shoulders and out in the open. It sweet and warm and full of everything I ever wanted from her. She pulls away and smiles at me.

"So?" I ask.

"You're a very good kisser," she says. "But I'd rather not start something we don't need right now. So for the time being, just keep me warm and hold me close so I can feel safe like no one will ever treat me like shit again." I nod and she rolls over, pressing her back into my chest. I lay my arm over her and she intertwines our fingers. "Good night, Peeta." She says, her voice like silk.

"Good night Katniss," I reply, burying my face into her neck and falling into a peaceful sleep with the one I love safe in my arms.