Deadpool vs. Hit-Girl

Chapter 1: Hit-Girl Rising

WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SOME ADULT LANGUAGE AND BLOODY VIOLENCE! IT SHOULD BE SUITABLE FOR PEOPLE AGED 15+
Mindy parked her motorcycle, yanked the keys out of it, and draped a grey-green tarpaulin over it. She let herself into her Daddy's apartment using that same key. The old place smelt of mould. And there was a small bit of blood on one of the walls. Mindy was completely indifferent to all of this. Because blood was normal for Hit-Girl. In fact, she was slightly surprised that there wasn't more of it. She moved on, and looked at her new bedroom. The bed was still bright purple, and decorated with paintings of guns, knives, and people being ruthlessly decapitated. Just the way she left it and loved it.
She then got changed out of her Hit-Girl suit, and into a shirt and some leggings.
She noticed a picture of her and her Daddy, in full costume, and froze. 'You'll do good, my Baby Doll.' The words were still swirling in her brain. Big Daddy had loved her, no matter what anyone else can and will say. She mumbled an obscene remark, and then skipped off to make hot chocolate with marshmallows for her and her Daddy, singing 'F*** You' by Ce Lo Green as she did so.
After drinking hot chocolate with her Daddy, she strolled out of the bedroom, and moved into another room. This one was a grotty arsenal, with guns galore and blades for days. She whistled as she took down two brutal-looking throwing stars from a wall-mounted position. She held them in her teeth while she unveiled a training target shaped like a man with a large blood-red bullseye painted on his chest.
She took the throwing stars from her mouth, and twirled around once, grinning her head off. Thunk. The first star hit its target. Thunk. The second one hits the first one, slicing it in half.

Mindy treated herself to a fruit sweet from the Starburst packet in her pocket. While chewing the thing, she lacerated the poor cut-out using a long, straight blade. Wood-chips flew from the deep gashes like splashes of gore. She calmly removed the splinters from her arms, with not one flinch. 'Bored now.' She grumbled, as she left the room, closing and bolting the door behind her.
She then decided that she wanted to go on her first patrol of the city. She walked back into the bedroom, and picked up her suit.

The chromatic lights danced across the faces of the Red Lords gang. They were all intently focussed on their card game. 'We have to deal with Michael. We need to get him out of the picture.' said the Red Leader in a thick English accent, fiddling with a handgun holstered on his temple. Frank slammed two cards down onto the central pile, and money was exchanged, much to the glee of the gangsters.
The figures dancing behind the gang tried to get themselves off the stage, but where stopped by Red Leader firing his handgun into the air.
Jones anxiously pushed his pile of coins from side to side. Jedus smashed a fist onto the table and yelled at Jones 'Stop that, you dumbass!'. Jones was silenced.
'I heard something move out there. Cops, maybe?' Jedus said, shuffling off towards the door of the club.
Click. Click. Scrape.
'I can't be the only one who heard that, right?' Jedus inquired, to the curiosity and slight trepidation of his fellow gang members.
Jedus suddenly stood dead still. His pupils dilated.
'What the hell are you doing, man?'
Jedus spat blood.
'Oh fu-'
Jedus' lifeless body feel to the floor, revealing a large knife being pulled out of his back and series of precise lacerations.
A young girl dressed head to toe in purple swiftly placed the knife back into a holster on her belt.
'Bloody hell!' Yelled Jones, stumbling backwards.
'Right.' Declared Hit-Girl, 'Who is here against their will?'
The two dancers raised their hands.
'Run. Get as far away as possible from here, wait 10 minutes, and then call the cops.'
The dancers ran past Hit-Girl and straight out of the door.
'Ok, and now hands up who's a complete and utter dickhead?
Frank reached for his handgun, but then had his hand impaled to the wall in spray of blood. He screamed.
'Great. One taker!' Giggled Hit-Girl gleefully, grinning from ear to ear.

'Shoot the bitch!!!' Yelled Red Leader.
The remaining gangsters opened fire on the girl. She gave them a knowing wink, and ran up one of the walls, flipping straight onto the dancer's stage. Bullets made unsightly holes in the walls of the club. Jones and Red Leader stared, boggled at the 15-year old girl who was beating the crap out of them.
'I think you're gonna need a bigger gun.' Stated Hit-Girl matter-of-factly. She then got a bladed grappling hook out of her belt. 'My Daddy would think that you've been a bad boy!'
Red Leader and Jones were alerted to the fact that the girl was completely insane.
The blade at the end of wire went straight through Jones' neck, killing him instantly. Hit-Girl smiled and retracted the blade.

Red Leader was now running towards the door of the club, yelling into an earpiece 'WHERE THE HELL IS THE BLOODY INQUISITOR?'.
Hit-Girl landed a jump right in front of him. Red Leader pointed a handgun directly at the insane girl's face.
A swift swing of the bladed wire.
The gun fell onto the floor in two pieces. Shortly followed by Red Leader's severed arm.

Hit-Girl held the 'disarmed' Leader at the receiving end of a sword. 'Where are the rest of your gang?' She screamed.
'There are no more!'
'You're lying!'
He was silent.
'You're a dick.' Hit-Girl mumbled as she unwaveringly decapitated Leader.

Hit-Girl wiped the worst of the blood from her purple hair and began whistling 'funhouse' by P!NK. She strolled casually away from the massacre, loading the many gore-soaked weapons back into her belt. She blew a kiss at the corpses, and then promptly left.