Deadpool vs. Hit-Girl

Chapter Four: Bug Off

Deadpool sighed as he trudged up the stairs once more towards Hellgrammite's corridor.
The tights he was wearing were excruciating. In all different senses of the word.

His ears alerted him to the delightful sound of terrified screaming from one of the hotel rooms he was passing.

Wade hacked down the door, exclusively using a limited-edition axe which he'd found with the benefit of plot-convenience.

'Here's Wadey!!!' He yelled, spittle flying from his mouth.

Hellgrammite turned at once, revealing the limp body behind him. The insect monster hissed, and threw a mouthful of acid at Wade. Wade dodged the burning liquid with all of the grace of a brick wrapped in eagle feathers.

'Haha! I was expecting it this time!' Declared Wadey victoriously.
'And now, my friend, it's time for-' Deadpool started before twin swords slid through his ribcage.

'F***!' He turned and screeched at Hit-Girl. 'I'm bored of you now.' Decided Wade and promptly shot Hit-Girl square in the chest again... Because he didn't want to kill the character who was important to the plot of the sequel.

Deadpool yanked the swords out of his chest and inserted them into Hellgrammite's face, which was waiting politely.

Green blood bubbled from the beast's maw. Wade pulled the blades out from the monster's brain, and then decapitated said monster with the two, slightly-sticky swords.

Hellgrammite fell to the floor with a satisfying thud. To be fair Deadpool was expecting it to sound slightly more interesting.... All other bodies who weren't giant acid-farting bugs also went thud.

To his surprise, Hellgrammite's carapace started to dissolve and fall off; revealing a human corpse underneath. Deadpool stared the dead man down, feeling as if his judgment has been challenged deeply.

Wade spotted a bizarre, pulsing tattoo of a rose on the corpse's arm before he 'contaminated the crime scene' by riddling it with bullets.

Forson Strucker weakly called out for the man in the girl-skirt's help. Deadpool stood over him, trying to work out what to do with this particular piece of evidence.
'Sure. I'll help you. I'll be around at about 11:30 to 23:45. Here's my number.' He said as he dropped a scrappy piece of paper onto the dying man's head.

Deadpool strolled out of the building, feeling very pleased with himself. Who knows, maybe he could stop off at a shop and buy himself some vaguely appropriate clothing?

Hit-Girl lay in a large pile of crap and shit outside the window which she'd managed to fall out of again when Deadpool shot her. AGAIN.

Deadpool sung 'Electric Avenue' to himself as he skipped away from the building. He hailed a taxi, and was abruptly refused by the driver.

He hung his head in shame and walked home.