"Baby its okay I promise, its okay" she spoke softly, her arms around me and her head against my back. She smelled rotten. But her voice was the sound of angels, the voice of love, the sound of such perfection that mere words couldn't describe the beauty, the sound of such pure love. A voice that shouldn't grace anyone with words spoken, a voice that no mere mortal nor god should have the honor and privilege of being blessed with listening to, words shouldn't even be graced with being spoken with this voice. All around us the world seemed to twist and turn by her mere presence, the world seeming to become a swirl of colors and light as if reality seemed to recognize true perfection. But still she smelled rotten. The pain, the abandonment, the self hate, the urges to die all seemed to flee away as I knew who it was, no not knew I hoped but I didn't know, not that I could believe it. Its funny how even after all this time, just the possibility of it being her, the idea of her seemed to heal me, a warmth spreading around and enveloping me, lifting me to nirvana. The only thing that prevented me from reaching paradise was that smell, the smell of rot and decay.
"Yea" I mumbled, turning to face her, to face my love, to see her angelic perfection that fueled my everything in life. It hurt to see her, to feel her gentle touch on my cheek, her smile breaking every single inch of my heart, reducing me to a broken down man.
"Just remember, I'll always love you" she smiled, "now don't give up on her ok?"
"I miss yo-" I began to cry out.
"Shhh come on, let's go home and you can let it all out for me baby" she cooed softly, her embrace filling me with strength. Her foul stench filled my nose, causing me to shake my head to ignore the smell as we walked to home. People watched us as we walked home, the most concerned and confused looks I have ever seen. I shut the door behind me, only go immediately run and bury my face in her lap, totally disregarding the horrible smell coming from her. "What's wrong baby?" She said with all the gentleness of a mother, her fingers sliding through my hair, causing my mind to be in complete bliss. I felt tears stream down my face as I let loose all of it, all the pain, the sadness, the anger, the rage. It came all at once and left all at once, leaving me insecure and vulnerable. It felt good but scary at the same time, putting all of my pain and essentially all of my inner being on display for a person to listen to. I've done it with her before, but, it was was different I guess. It may have been that I knew that in the end she couldn't do anything except listen to me. She smiled softly, her pink lips pursing as they do when she is in deep though. "I think, for Katy, that you know what your heart is telling you to do."
"What do you want me to do though?" I looked up at her, only to find her lips crashing against mine in a war, hot kiss. Nothing else touched, nothing was in contact as we kissed for the first time in months.
"The dead don't care babe, but I'm sure she would be happy" she smiled while pulling away.
"But ba-" I began to speak as I went to touch her face, only for her to vanish into thin air, leaving me with my head laying on the couch custom alone. I curled up alone again.
I died inside.
