I was a ghost that day, a phantom, a shade of my former self. Katy from what I saw was full of life, seemed to be the happiest I've seen her after the death of Katerina. People flocked to her like she was the sun, she seemed to radiate joy. People just moved around me, like a rock in the middle of a river. I was a shell that day, a husk, a hollow version of myself. People could see it too, they saw through it all, they say through my guise, my costume, my safety blanket. My thoughts were silent, all energy focusing on forcing my costume on me. I wasn't quite sure why I did either, I mean there was no point, in the end people knew what I was. They knew I was the piece of shit who couldn't protect his love, who couldn't even keep his promise to her, who couldn't even complete breaking his promise, the suicidal freak with voices in his head.
'I just gotta get out of here..now now now! I gotta get out of here!' I kept thinking this as I wandered around aimlessly during lunch. The prospect of food not even a fleeting thought in the empty cavern of self hate, of self loathing, of feelings voided, of depression. Then something broke me from my feeling of numb internal breaking.
