Two Sides of The Same Coin (Merthur)(Discontinued)

Three Simple Words

After that, I very nearly, but not quite, ran away. I went towards Gaius's chambers and my own bedroom at as brisk a place as I could manage without actually creating a scene.

Eric... Wanted me... To lead the groups... Inside.... Morgana's castle... It was almost to much to process at a time. What? Why? How? What? I had a difficult time with all the answers. My brain seemed to have slowed down to next to nothing. There was only one thought and it just kept repeating myself inside my head. 'He's going to be leading this little expedition,' Eric's voice continued to sound in my head.

As soon as I reached my bedroom, I collapsed on my bed. I think that I wanted to cry. How... How was... I didn't even know what to think right now. It was just.... So much was happening. My brain was stuck in a loop and the more that loop played, the more I got stuck.

"Merlin, is something wrong?" An old kind voice interrupted my thoughts. I looked over to my doorway to see Gaius. He appeared worried, concerned, and loving, as if this morning had never happened. 

This morning. I had snapped at Gaius, and told him... I don't even remember what, but it was bad. Here he was, still, worrying about me as my mentor always had. I didn't deserve him after that.

"Gaius! I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said those things. They were rude and uncalled for. I hope-" Gaius raised his hand, motioning for me to stop speaking.

"I forgive you, Merlin. I understand that you must be having a difficult time, and I shouldn't be trying to control your life," I nodded when Gaius finished speaking. There were a couple silent moments, as he sat on a corner of my bed. I raised myself into a sitting position, and joined him. 

"That wasn't what was bothering you," Gaius stated. It wasn't even a question.

"No," I admitted with a sigh.

"So what is it, then?" Gaius pushed. I could tell him. I told Gaius everything. 

"They want me to lead the groups mapping out Morgana's castle and town," I sighed. My head felt a bit more clear, now that I was with my uncle. 

"It sounds dangerous," Gaius observed, as if that was what I was afraid of. I shook my head,

"No. It's not the danger. It's... They're putting the entire fate of Camelot into my hands," I explained. Gaius looked confused. 

"You've always carried the fate of Camelot, Merlin," He said, gently. It was obvious that he didn't understand my worries.

"Yes, but nobody was expecting me to do anything. If I did something right, nobody noticed, and if I did something wrong, still, nobody noticed. I wasn't being watched. I wasn't a hope for someone else. If I succeed, he'll notice now, which I suppose is good. But if I mess up, not only will he notices, but I'll appear weak to him. I can't seem weak to Arthur," Gaius's eyebrow shot up, and I suddenly realized the meaning of my words. I hadn't consciously been thinking about Arthur, but now that I did... Might his view of me been the source of my nervousness? I thought for a moment how protective Arthur had sounded of me when Eric made his suggestion. Was he like this for all of the knights, or was I special? I remembered the anger in his voice when he thought that Eric was trying to get me into trouble.

"Arthur?" Gaius's voice broke through my thoughts for a second time.

"No... err... Yes. I dunno. I'm just confused, I suppose. I didn't mean anything, I think," Gaius's hand was suddenly on my knee, and his face peered into mine.

"You love him, don't you?' My breath suddenly caught in my throat. Gaius knew. He was able to guess. I was finished. Magic was one thing, somebody like me loving the king was completely different.