Finding Love

Chapter 17

I went home. Because I couldn't do this shit anymore. All this. Tears stung my eyes and the cold air kissed my tears reminding me of mother. Which only made me cry harder. I was sobbing silently and my face was flushed with tears. I was a weeping mess. I ran upstairs and headed to bed. I was exhausted. But no matter how much I tried, the tears kept flowing refusing me to get back to sleep.

I was sweating way too much so I removed my clothes and settled back into bed. I kept crying. On and on.

I got up to have a shower because crying in the shower was so m uch more easier. I didn't have to feel the salt in my mouth as my tears flowed down. My head was pounding and I was too tired but I willed myself to get up and headed to the bathroom.

The mirror reflected my pale skin making me feel nauseous. I walked closer inspecting my puffy eyes and sighed as I looked at my thighs and chest.

I traced the long ugly scar running below my right breast. I could feel the tingles. The pain which was so much better. So much easier to deal with.

I used to put little cuts on my thighs and stomach. The physical pain was so much better. It made me forget my problems for a while. And I needed an escape. I didn't cut to die, I cut to hurt. To hurt so much that Ill forget all the bad things in my life.

It made me feel better.

All my cuts were little except the one below my right breast.

My scars were a part of me. 

Shaking my head, I walked into the shower with a sore throat but feeling a lot better.

-------------------------------------------

By the time I got out of the shower, I felt so exhausted that I slept off the moment my head hit the pillow. I knew I has to face my problems. And this wasn't even that great of a problem. I mean, they were so many people out there who didn't eat for a week or so and my problem was nothing when compared to theirs. I am such a selfish person. I checked my phone to see that I had lots of missed calls and Messages.

Ashton : 53 missed calls and 10 messages

Ace : 60 missed calls and 16 messages

Dylan : 103 missed calls and 50 messages

Almost all of them were about my whereabouts. Even Ashton seemed to know about my running-out-of-school-in-the-middle-of-a-class thing. And he wasn't even in my school.

"UGGGHHH!!!" I let out a loud scream threw myself on my bed as another bunch of fresh tears leaked out of my eyes and wet my face.

I felt depressed.

I don't even know why Im so sad. I mean, Why the hell am I even crying right now? Its not like me crying will help anything. If anything, Its just going to make me a stupid cry baby.

Buck Up, Noelle. Buck up.

But no matter how hard I tried to belittle the tears they kept rushing out of my eyes like a damn waterfall.

Oh god, this was bad.

My phone pinged signalling that I have a call. I picked it up trying to forget about everything.