Trials of the Mind (Frerard)

Chapter 11

Well I'm unpopular so no comments so angsty it is have fun kids

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Franks POV

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        I spent the whole day with Gerard. We went to the park and just talked for hours. After what happened with my mom in front of Gee two days ago he would come to my house at 7:20, wait for me, we would go to school, and after school we would hang out until 8:30.

      But after that time, my life is an endless dark hole.  A dark hole of screaming, threatening, and abuse. A dark hole of crying, wishing, and praying to a god that I don't even believe in. 

       And the most damaging thing in that time is my thoughts. Thinking myself deeper and deeper into the dark hole. Thinking, its more damaging than you would think.

       Thinking  'Maybe shes right'  

        Thinking ' To Gerard I'm only his project. He saw broken and he wants to fix it, he doesn't actually care'

           Or even thinking about that shiny little release of pain in the top left drawer of my dresser.

  And I was thinking that today.

 I don't want to. I don't want to cut. But I want a release. I want Gerard. But sometimes you don't get what you want and you need a second option; sometimes you don't want to bug people with your problems.

Sometimes you don't want your problems to bug you.

        So two hours, 33 cuts and countless tears later, I felt less.. trapped. 

I just wanted to sleep now, I just wanted no more suffering, no more pain, at least for a while. After a few minutes I felt my self drifting off. No more pain. That's what I wanted in the first place.

                   But you don't always get what you want.

In my dream I first saw Gerard.He was in a meadow. Laughing and yelling "Come on Frankie lets go!" Then all of the sudden it was dark. Like the darkness that you cannot escape. I screamed for Gerard wanting him to come out of the shadows and make my world bright again. But that didn't happen. Light. I finally found light. But behind that light was my Gerard, torn, tattered, and beaten. tears and blood drying on his pain- stricken face. 

I awoke with a scream. 

I needed to make sure he was ok. I needed to make sure that my sunshine was ok.

I dialed his number and pressed call.

"Hello?" I heard his groggy voice after three rings .

"A-are you ok" I said, worry lacing my voice.

"Yeah Of course I'm ok are you ok?" He was now worried.

"Y-yeah I just had a bad dream that's all it doesn't really matter.." 

"Yes it does Frank, I'll be at your house in 10 minutes" Gerard stated.

"Really? You would do that for me?"  I was confused.. Would Gerard actually care enough for that?

"Of course, I care about you, Frankie" I smiled. At least someone cared.

"Ok.. thank you Gee, I really mean it" 

     At that time I heard a click and a knock at my door. My mom was out getting drunk probably being a slut so I just opened the door and welcomed Gee in.

         Gerard stepped into my house put down his phone and wrapped his arms around me.   We spent the rest of the night just talking and cuddling and I couldnt help my thoughts.

' What if you're in love'