Listen to Your Heart

Chapter 23

"Because I didn't last time," Joey says while joining me on the dock. "I didn't follow you junior year and I should've. None of this would've happened if I wasn't a jerk then."

I don't know what to say, so I don't say anything. I just sit there and stare at him.

"I don't know why you decided to get revenge on me at first, but I think I know why you wanted to stop the plan."

"And what is that Joey?"

"You like me."

"So what if I do? You're just going to turn into an asshole like everyone else."

"Lauren, I promise I won't leave you."

"Did you look at the attachment? What am I say? You obviously didn't because otherwise you wouldn't have come after me."

"I did look at it," he says while breaking eye contact and looking down at his lap. "I didn't know about what you went through, I'm so sorry Lauren."

I close my eyes to try to stop the tears from flowing out and I'm suddenly transported back in time.

*2 years and 11 months ago*

"Lauren you have a letter!"

"Okay coming mom," I reply while walking downstairs to the kitchen. There's a letter for me sitting on the kitchen table.

The Letter

Dear Future Me,

The date is some day in July of 2013, and it's my third summer at camp. I'm currently writing you this letter at Group Games. Apparently we will want to read about our past lives in the future? I hope you enjoy reading this. Anyways, this summer at camp has sucked. I mean I guess it hasn't been that bad but I feel like no one here likes me. Sometimes I don't even think Meredith wants to be my friend. I hope that you're really happy with whatever you're doing in the summertime right now, because I don't want to keep going to camp. I really hope you're done with everyone and like my health teacher (Mrs. Beverage, from Middle School, remember her?) always says, you should only do things that make you happy and you shouldn't spend time with people who don't make you happy.

Group Games is almost over so I'm going to end this letter here. I hope that you love how your life has turned out. Have fun in high school!

Love,

Past Lauren

P.S. Do people still call us LoLo? I know you hate the nickname; I do. I hope we've gotten rid of it by now.

Sixth grade me is right. Why am I spending all this time with people I hate? Why do I let myself suffer every summer at camp? I know what I have to do. I'm not going back to that camp.

"Lauren, are you okay?" Joey asks, pulling me back into the present.

"Yeah, I was just thinking about the picture Meredith sent."

"No offense, but I don't get why you're all upset about it. It's just a picture of you with a cast on."

"Wait what?"

"Yeah you're wearing a pink cast on your wrist. Everyone said you weren't allowed to come back because you broke your wrist and your mom thought camp was too dangerous."

"Joey, I stopped coming back because I finally realized that I'm a worthy person who doesn't deserve to be pushed around the way I was here. I never wanted to be called LoLo or forced to be someone's follower." I wipe away some of my tears and continue. "I have become a much stronger and better person since I've left this place. I've learned to stand up for myself and not let others push me around. I've tried to be healthier and not stuff my face with bread all the time. But most importantly, I've learned to love myself, which is something I could never do if I kept coming back to this place."

He looks at me in awe. "You are so amazing."

"I know, and I have something to take care of right now," I say while standing and up and starting to walk away.

"What about us? I thought you liked me. I like you," he says desperately.

"I know and I appreciate that."

"So..."

"So I'm choosing myself."

"What?"

"There is no us, Joey. I'm sorry if I led you on. Honestly this isn't what I expected to happen, but I can't date you. I owe it to myself."

"But I thought you owed it to your past self to date me?"

"No. I owe it to my past self to do the one thing I could never do then, be strong, even when all I want to do is be weak." I kiss his cheek and say, "Goodbye Joey."