Nightmare

Day one

I sit under the desk in my room. With the lights off, of course. I look threw my phone.

I go to my photos. I look at all those pictures. All MY pictures. They all have to do with him. All 3,459 of HIM. We look happy. At least I WAS happy..

Was he happy?

Did I do something wrong?

Am I bad person?

So many thoughts came flooding into my head. I felt like exploding. But I dealt with it. I can't do anything but cry. I feel weak, and dead. I decide to just crawl into bed and sleep.

I wake up instantly. I jump out of bed. Grab my phone and check the time. 10:33  HOLY FUDGE I'M LATE

I literally fly out of bed and run to my closet. I throw on blackish-blue sweat pants and a white "Matthew Espinosa" hoodie for my top. I go to the bathroom brush my teeth, and my hair. I never eat breakfast. Food is the ENEMY.

I slip in some black and white casual vans, grab my book bag, and rush out the door. I decide to slowly walk to school because I already just rushed half my life into just rushing out the house.

I walk into the building, and I see my reflection through the door. I look like shit. I brush it off and hope no one acknowledges it, since i already know. 

I walk into the room and everyone stares, usual teen reactions. A class with teenagers that have the attention span of a nut. I see an empty seat in the back of the class and rush to it. As class goes on I shove my head phones deep into my ears, hoping I can blow my ear drums out with my music.

I feel a tap on my shoulder. I turn to the side. It's Mel, a girl in my class.

"Is everything alright? You look a little sick?" She asked me in a concerned way.

I reply with " yeah, I'm just not feeling well. Thanks for asking" then I turn my music up louder and ignore everyone, especially the teacher for the rest of the period.

The bell rings, although i didn't hear it ring. I just witness as all the students raise quickly from their seats and file out the door. I get out last. I walk slowly to my next class, and next, and next... Each period i'be gotten either concerned looks or questions. I tried to smile. But It doesn't work.

I have to get better at this I tell my self. I have to smile and dress, well not like a hobo. I hate people asking me if I'm okay. I know I'm not Okay, but they don't have to know that.

I decide to just start my plan tomorrow.

The day ends and it's time to go home. I rush out the building, knowing the fact that me and him no longer will be walking together. I mean since he wants to be "just friends"  maybe when things cool off between us we'll start being able to walk together. But right now I don't think it's what he has in mind right now.

I see him. He's walking on the other block. He's with a couple girls I recognize and 3 guys. 2 of which i'm familiar with. I look away full well knowing that if I don't right now. I never will be able to.

Almost home.. So close to my room. Being alone. In a safe, harmless area.