Rated R

➸s i x

Shailene's POV:

The cooling warmth of the sheets, mixed with our skin contact makes my stomach tie into knots. His presence isn't exactly wanted, but it's not denied either.

A certain wrongness fills the air when one his hands slips to the area between my legs. I gulp, pushing away from and his massaging tips.
His handsome face glances up in confusion. Oh.

I'm a virgin, and it's that simple. Taking away that fine line between experienced and inexperienced is terrifying, and it's not something I will give away lightly.
Virginity is a thing to some girls, as if it is a burden to have, and it's wanted to get rid of as quickly as possible. As if it's wrong.

It's the thing I clutch when I'm with a man, because I'm determined not to give it away to just anybody.

Having his hand so close, too close, it instantly makes me uneasy and I know he can sense it too.
With his good looks, and popularity, it must be a wonder to him why I push him away, and ignore the fact that he is trying to seduce me. It's nearly a wonder to me why I do it too; but only one of us knows that I'm a virgin.

He pushes his hand against me again lightly, his eyes questioning. I back up, and he proceeds to me again. His teeth graze my jaw, and my head involuntarily tilts up, my mouth forming a perfect 'o' shape. But once again those devilish long fingers attempt to touch me. Fuck. I push myself further away, and instantly feel a tinge of fear.

This is wrong.

I can't give this away to him, not when I don't know who it's meant for.
I can't give him sex and love when my feelings are unknown to someone else, unknown to me.

"Shai?" His voice doesn't tingle me, doesn't urge me, the way it used to.
The way it did before him.
"What is it that you want from me?" I gulp, sitting up, the sheets falling from my shoulders revealing my spaghetti strapped tank top. His eyes rack down my body, and it's like he's waiting for me to throw my top off and jump on him.

"It's not what I want," he cringes, but still holds my gaze. He's hesititating. "Shai," he starts again. "You called me randomly, asking me to come visit, from hours away. I thought you had, well I don't know. I thought you needed me. I thought you needed some . . . relief."

I blink, confusion pounding in my head. Is this how all guys think? That every emotion will lead to sex? I roll my eyes, to prevent look of complete disgust to place itself on my face. I don't want to feel his dick, I want to feel his soft, chapped, lips, and I want to just forget.

"I can't just kiss you without sex being involved?" I push myself towards him, and smash our chapped lips together.
I want to break free from this daze where all I think about is him, and if that takes another guy to do it, then okay.
The pale lights gleam in my eyes, and involuntarily fall back. Forget the other man Shai.

He doesn't miss a beat, because he's on top of me kissing my neck roughly, and humping against me.
"No Shailene you can't," he pants. I freeze up, my body stilling.

You're a Virgin. I want to keep it that way. Can't he see that?
No, he can't. He only sees the swatch of skin between your legs.

I can't give that to him, I won't.
This thing, this small, somewhat meaningless thing— I can't give it away yet.
My first kiss was the definition of lousy, and so this little pureness I have left I'm determined to keep.

"Nahko," I sigh and shove at him hard.
"What the hell?" He demands, and sits up. His anger pushes me towards the edge, and I want to slap him hard.
"I'm not some whore who you can just fuck!" This man is my friend, and yes, I did make out with him, but that doesn't mean I want him shoving his dick in me.
Hell no. And the fact he's trying to force me into this makes me want to pull out my hair, and scream at him, while slapping him.
"You're not exactly a virgin either," he guffaws, yet the anger is still relevant on his tanned face.