Black Bird

23

"Why haven't you seen Harry in a while?" Lottie signed after I allowed her to come into my room.

"We broke up a month ago Lottie." I signed back.

Yeah, Lottie's the only one that knows about Harry and I because of the car and because Gemma consistently spills the beans about us to her.

"Why?"

"None of your business Lottie."

"It's because of their dad Dez right?"

I froze.

"Louis?"

"How do you know about that?"

"Gems." she signed with a shrug and sat next to me. "I know because she told me why she can't come out."

"Yeah." I then nodded. "It's because of Dez and him being a dick."

"What happened?"

The minute she asked that question I broke down in tears.

Lottie quickly moved to me and took me into her arms.

I cried into my sisters neck and shook with sadness. I haven't cried yet. This is the first time. I tried being strong and being a man about it but I can't right now. Looking into Lottie's big innocent caring eyes really ripped my heart into pieces.

Lottie pulled apart from me about three minutes of me crying into her shoulder.

"Louis what the hell happened?"

"Gemma told me all about what Harry's dad does to him and I didn't know how to handle it. I mean I love Harry. How the fuck can I think of someone like his dad hurting him?

I fucking can't.

So when I went to confront him about it, we were talking and he was crying and my heart broke for him. After I left I didn't talk to him for a few days because I needed to get myself together for him. I want to be a rock for him, I want to be strong, I want him to be able to cry on my shoulder, and tell me what's wrong. I needed to collect myself for when it got there with him so I ignored his texts all weekend. But then he got pissed and went off on me even though I tried to explain that I was only mentally preparing myself for the heart break of Harry's suffering."

"Louis I'm really sorry. I know all of this must be tough for you and I get why you did it but you shouldn't have ignored him. He probably needed you. He might have needed that shoulder. A warm, solid, and tear stain-able shoulder. Not a cold one."

"Don't you think I know that now Lottie!"

"Louis chill out. I'm just trying to help you."

"I know." I signed and sighed. "I just miss him so much."

"I know."

"How?"

"I can see it in your eyes."

"What? How?"

"They're dull, gray almost."

"They usually shine?"

"Sparkle."

"Niall said that too when we were back in high school." I said with a small smile remembering that happy time I was going though. I was truly so happy those few weeks Harry and his crew left me alone, also Liam was alive, and I thought I was free. Little did I know.

"Well it's true."

"I want the sparkle again."

"Text Harry then."

"No." I signed shaking my head. "He hates me. He wouldn't want me texting him."

"Louis just do it."

"Lottie no. He won't answer."

"I'm sure he will. You're just overthinking it."

"I'm not over thinking it Lottie."

"Yes you are."

"Lottie, no."

"Louis, yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No way."

"Louis it will be good for you."

"No it won't."

"Yes it will. Text Harry."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"Fucking fine!"

"You'll thank me later." she smiled. "Oh and happy 20th birthday big bro." She said and then ran out of my room before I could hit her.

I sighed and laid down on my bed. I looked up as the fan spun around and around. I watched as the dust flew about the handles as I thought of Harry's lips on mine and how this is the worst birthday ever. I haven't even gotten a text from Harry.

I really miss his plump lips though. They felt perfect against my thin ones and his tongue. God his tongue. The way it would rub against my own tongue. Or even the way it licked about my mouth in places I couldn't reach with my own. Or even his hands. They would rub against my jaw or grab my hips to keep me in place.

God I need to stop. I can feel the salty tears on my cheeks. I don't need this. I don't need him. But at the same time I do need him. His my rock and I'm his.

I never thought I would be saying any of this. Especially after middle and high school. He treated me like shit but then senior year he couldn't do it any longer. We got so close and then closer after Liam killed himself. But now were apart again. I can't handle not being apart from him. Even though he doesn't love me I still love him. I love him with all my heart.

I know we've only dated for a month but I've known him forever. He opened up to me before Prom and I liked him. A lot. Then after Liam's death, we got closer, and I started to get feelings for him. But after the sex we had in the back of his car I knew I loved him.

But he doesn't love me.

Why?

I don't get it.

That will always be in the back of my head. Am I not good enough? Was I not what he was hoping for and dreaming of? I won't ever really know I guess. But I guess I should text him. I should text him just to let him know that I'm thinking of him. It might help with the situation. I trust what Lottie says. She is dating Harry's sister Gemma.

So I'll do it.

I'll text Harry.

So I got out my phone and pulled up Harry in my phone.

To H:

Hey it's Louis. You may have deleted my number after our little fight but I don't care. I wanted to check up on you and see if you're okay. Are you okay? I hope you are. I still love you, don't forget it.

(Sunday 8:00 pm)
_________

HAPPY NATIONAL COMING OUT DAY!!

Sorry about not posting last week so I hope you enjoy this chapter. Thank you for reading!

Please like and comment :) ~ Ash