Going Back

Youre strong enough, just hold on a little longer; everything will be okay.

The world is spinning; I can't seem to focus on my surroundings. I notice the bright lights and can faintly hear people around me, speaking to each other but I can't make out the words they are saying. I feel myself drift back into unconsciousness.

My eyes flutter open, I slowly scan the room and take in the faces around me. Lindsay and mom are here. And that must be the doctor. Lovely. I try to speak, but no words escape my lips. Lindsay gently squeezes my hand as I turn and look at her.

"Baby, it's okay. You're okay, just relax, please." I nod and lay back, I reach for my mother, trying not to strain anything due to the numbed pain from my chest to my legs. I look down and noticed my chest and stomach are wrapped. I give Lindsay a puzzled look.

"Baby, do you remember anything about what happened?" I start to shake my head, but then the images and nightmares hit me like a brick wall. The ambush, Steele, the gunfire and my brothers, laying dead on the street. I whimper and shut my eyes tightly, fighting off the tears and images.

I gasp as my eyes fly open and I grab my side, the flash back ending. I yelp in pain and glance around the room looking for familiar faces. I see Lindsay rush to my side and grab my hand. I relax a bit and close my eyes, waiting for the pain to subside. 

"Baby? Are you okay?" I nod and Lindsay sighs, pulling the chair closer to my bedside. I grimace as another image hits me, Steele's body laying limp in front of me as I blacked out, helpless. I let the darkness engulf me once again, begging for the agony to be over soon.

A few hours later I wake up to an empty room. I pull myself into sitting position and look around at the cards and balloons by my bed from friends and family. I smile to myself, it's good to know that there are people out there who care about me and are worried about how i'm doing. I pull the blanket further around me, shivering. Damn it's freezing in here. 

Lindsay walks in and hands me a donut and coffee so my blood sugar stays normal and I eat it without a complaint. She tells me all that happened with the four surgeries I had to undergo to live and remove the bullets that penetrated my side and lung. She shows me the picture that the doctors took of how bad it was and how far i've come in recovery. Lindsay explains to me that my heart stopped five times since I was brought in and she was so scared that she would lose me. I feel a tear slide down the side of my face but I don't let her see, I can show her how much it hurts to see that I almost left my fiancee fiancee-less. Lindsay reaches into her purse and pulls out two pictures and hands them to me. Both are of a sonogram of her stomach

"It's twins baby, we're having twins. The doctor wasn't sure it would work but it did.. Baby, we're going to be mommy's." Lindsay kisses me softly and lets me take in the news. I just stare at the pictures in awe and try not to pass out.

Later that day, after dinner I let Lindsay slide in next to me and I wrap my arm tightly around her and decide its time to sleep, we drift back into our subconscious.