I like to complain, a lot. So much, in fact, that if I got a euro for every time I ranted about something, I'd have enough money to go on a cruise, at least twice a year. Salty is my middle name, so if your food is ever lacking that sodium chloride...
So just the other day, I was chatting with OmaimaAkbar about things I could rant about. Yes, there are thousands of them, but I like to have an inkling of an idea in advance, at least on the day I'm meant to post the rant. So we started listed things that people do that are annoying, such as:
1. When you hold the door open for someone and they don't thank you.
2. When the store clerk asks you three times in a row if you need help picking out a garment.
3. When you run over your ex with a car and they survive.
...and so on and so forth. The list became very lengthy, so I had the bright idea (no sarcasm) to divide annoying/rude things people do in parts. Since lists are a thing, and you all love me, each point will be accompanied by my witty remarks. All these chapters will be titled "Uhm, Can You Not?" along with the topic for the day. Are you ready kids? Aye aye, Dora! I can't hear you! Aye aye, Dora!
The topic of the day is *drumroll*Table Manners! (You looked at the chapter title for this one, didn't you. Sneaky mofo)
Let's start it off with a tasty, flavoursome meme:
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There are a lot of differences between going to a restaurant and going to your local McDonalds. These comparisons fit in a list of their own, so I'll get straight to the point: these places are two entirely different social settings. A person's behaviour should adhere to this. So when I go to a damn restaurant (after actually spending time doing my makeup, dressing up, choosing the place, etc.) I don't go there to hear about the wonderful misadventures of Stefany and her babydaddy, or anyone else, for that matter. I'm not spending 50+ euros to witness ratchet behaviour—if I wanted entertainment I would've gone to Burger King.
Moreover, once one person starts shouting, the volume of everybody else's voice has to rise to make up for it, resulting in the restaurant sounding like a stadium during a soccer match. This means that not only am I forced to listen to everybody's business, but I also can't have a proper conversation with the person sitting across from me. Now, I'm not saying that the volume inside of a restaurant has to be akin to the one of the cafeteria from Orwell's 1984, but seriously, people, use your inside voices.
Loud people aren't the only ones that need an advanced lesson on table manners. Here are a couple more:
1. People who chew loudly.
People who chew smacking their lips deserve to be smacked in the face. With a chair. There is nothing more annoying than hearing this consistent smack smack smack smack sluuuuuuurp smack smack smack smack smack while you're eating. The owner of this animalistic sound is usually oblivious to it, and you, a polite human being with the patience of a Buddhist monk, do not so much as dare say anything in its regard. Because then, you are the one that has a problem (anger issues), not them and their damn lip-smacking. So I think, quite frankly, if you want to ruminate like a cow, then you deserve to be alongside them in the fields.
