My Dream Banquet Chapters Ten and Above

Chapter the Twenty-Sevenaeth: Kicking the Ra Butt

  "Bada bum, bada bum, bada bum bum bum! Bada bum, bada bum, bada-"

     "Well you're in quite a happy mood!" moaned a snail as it slurped along on a lily pad.

    Rayan paused in his joyous ride atop his steed, not offended in the slightest bit that he'd been rudely interrupted from his song by an insignificant little snail. Well, maybe a tad offended. Just a teensy weensy bit.

    "But, alas," said he aloud, patting his magnificent horse on its dainty little head, "I musn't be offended in my true joyfulness!"

    The snail snorted as it continued to glurp along in its achingly-fast pace. "Knights these days, they never make a teensy weensy bit of sense!"

    Rayan peered down at the quickly-moving creature. "Why, I have plenty of reason to make no sense at all!"

    Rolling its eyes wearily, the snail blurped its way over a giant leaf frond at a speed of 78 mph. "And why would that be, oh ye who makes no sense?"

    "Well, first of all," Rayan popped off of his horse to give the creature a nice pat on its slimy head, "I'd like to congratulate you on your excellent olden time speech. Truly, I haven't heard a creature say the word "ye" quite as beautifully and artistically as you just did."

    "Oh," the snail straightened itself proudly, "well I took a class on it in preschool."

    Rayan gave it another pat. "It's paid off, my friend."

     With less moaning and irritation that before, the prideful little snail tlurped forward (he was tired of going "along"), saying to the knight as it glided, "Yes, yes, but let us, dearest esteemed, er, ye... uh, get on with ye... explanation of your happiness...?"

    "Why, you're quite right!" exclaimed Rayan.

    The snail laughed haughtily, checking its flawless nails. "As usual."

    "You see, dearest snail," the knight began, "I am on a hunt to save my true love (who is my true love, by the way), and it is going quite well."

    The little snail creature raised one eye brow as it huffed and puffed up an ant hill, Rayan hopping a few steps forward so he could keep up with it. "I see," it remarked.

    "Yes, and let me explain to you all of the... well as my dearest true love would say... the detes!"

    "Here we go," muttered the snail, its pride deflating like a very saggy balloon, "this is the part where the knight tells me his whole life story." (For the dear little snail had quite a bit of experience with knights.)

   "Precisely!" cheered Rayan, and he proceeded to explain the Amaze Chase and its rules.

   "At sundown, we all met in the courtyard," he declared as he remembered the momentous scene.

    "A lovely disembodied voice placed us at the starting line (a three thousand mile and a half line of neon blue and pink string cheese), and counted down the seconds... five... four... Three.... TWo... ONE!!!!!!!!!!!! BLAST OFF!" cried the knight gleefully.

    "Ahem," the snail coughed lightly, attempting to get the forgetful knight back on track.

    "Bless you.

    "But anyways, we sprung off the starting line... well... Ra and I did at least. The queen realized she had forgotten her twenty foot-long saber tooth tiger luck charm, and she and the lady's maid scrambled to go search for it. Although, come to think of it, I guess it was just me who sprung off the starting line... Ra realized his new line of Ra perfumes had been shipped in and he had a few papers to sign..."