The extra US

23. Understanding myself

We were still holding hands when Viaan called me. I dropped his hand like a hot brick. Reality was a bitch sometimes and I was probably a bigger one in the eyes of this society. My moment of weakness was not for Yug or against Viaan. For the first time it was about me. I wanted that kiss. Period.

However, my life was still attached to Viaan's. I picked his phone, "Vee where are you?" "Sheena you okay? You sound worried." Viaan's question stunned me. For someone who could not understand my dark moods the whole last week. He caught the catch in my voice pretty quick.

"I'm okay Vee. Where are you?" I craned my neck around to see if Vee was there. Guilt made my heart beat a notch faster. "Your trip cost me my weekend. I will have to work overtime today," he added bitterly. I sighed. No matter how much he enjoyed the trip I will forever listen to this one.

"Please get a subway packed for me when you come back. Make sure its packed post 9 PM. I don't want a soggy one," Viaan was actually telling me to stay in the mall till 9 for his subway. Wow! I was truly at his beck and call.

"Can't you order?" I was annoyed. "No its always soggy on order. And get me a no fat mayonnaise dressing salad with pickled onions." I rolled my eyes, low fact mayo was a joke. "Sure Vee." I kept the phone down.

"So what's the plan?" Yug looked at me expectantly. "Let's get a beer," I smiled at him. It was time I learnt to live for myself. Viaan mattered as much as I mattered to him. We both went to hard rock cafe and the crowd was going crazy about a new band. Soon I had drowned three beers as Yug kept the light banter on. I did not want to think about Viaan but he held the chunk of my mind. My guilt would surface up whenever we would touch each other. The crowd and loud music gave us many chances.

Soon the track changed to an old number, "Sheena I remember you performed on this in school." I smiled remembering my too raunchy for school moves. They were for the guys. Where did this self assured crazy woman I once was go? I looked at Yug, the beer giving me extra confidence and I started swaying. Soon I felt Yug back hugging me and moving with me. My sensual moves now felt sexual as we rubbed against each other and I could feel his breath near my ear.

He held me as I felt light headed, and he slowly kissed my neck. The making out in public pumped adrenaline through me. Or was it because this was not healthy. But I secretly craved for more and the wetness in my pants was a testimony to that.

I pushed Yug away the second time today. Said my bye and rushed out. I ran out of the mall, I could hear him but my body's betrayal shocked me. I always thought Viaan was enough but why did I seek Yug more now?

I lit a cigarette shaking from my possible reaction. When Yug whipped me around, "Sheena, can we stop this game? I know you care. Why hide?" I looked at him, "Yug care comes from the heart. Your seems from your dick!"