Aphasiac

Chapter Nine

Three Rivers OB/GYN Associates PA/Baptist Medical Center
February 19, 1997

Paula lay alone in the small, curtained cubicle. Just her and her baby. This was her first ultrasound appointment and she was horribly disappointed David couldn't be there, but all that frustration was dispelled the moment her baby filled the screen. She saw toes and fingers and a profile. She saw life. She saw the little heart pumping hard and strong.

She waited on the narrow table, the conduction gel getting cool on her belly. Dr. Willis pushed back the curtain and stepped in, the technician behind him.

"Hello, Paula," he said. "Marj has just asked me to have a peek if that's okay."

"Sure, doctor," she said.

He squirted more gel on her stomach and moved the transducer over her baby. He and the technician spoke too quietly for Paula to hear. She pointing at the screen, him humming and hawing. "We may have a problem, Paula," he said, finally.

"Is something wrong?" Fear rose in Paula's throat and threatened to suffocate her.

Dr. Willis put a calming hand on her arm. "Paula, your baby has a growth in its throat," he told her.

"But what does that mean?" she asked. "Is it cancer? Will my baby die?" She stared at the ultrasound screen, searching for some kind of reassurance. She was having trouble breathing. All her excitement over the baby scattered away, replaced my a rippling terror.

"It could be cancer," Dr. Willis said. "It could be just a strange growth. It's too early to tell. We're going to have to monitor it closely but there's really nothing we can do until it's born."

Paula fought tears. She fought anger. She had tried so hard and for so long to have this baby. It didn't feel real. She was dreaming, floating above herself, hearing what the doctor was saying but knowing it wasn't real.

But it was.

She came crashing down. "Promise me you'll tell me everything, no matter what," Paula begged.

"I will, Paula," Dr. Willis said.

"Promise."

"I promise."

"Then what do you honestly think?" she asked.

"I don't know," he said. "We'd have to do some tests but if it hasn't grown at all by next week, I'll pretty well be able to guarantee your baby will be fine and will just require a small surgery. Come back in a week and we'll see how things are looking."

***

Paula left the building in a daze. How could her baby have any problems when she had been so careful? She drove to David's building and took the stairs instead of the elevator. It always made her feel nauseous.

David went to her as soon as she entered his office. She buried her face in his shoulder. He let her cry. After a while she pulled back and looked in his face. David wiped a tear off her cheek. "What's wrong, honey?" he asked.

"Our baby's sick."

Sutton's Supply (level PB)

Cold gripped her. Just as cruel as she remembered it. Like a little bit of everybody's hate focused on her. She couldn't see because of the snow. She also couldn't see because her eyes were closed.

It was the same dream. More of a feeling then a dream, really. As she woke, the warmth in the room surprised her. When had she stopped being cold? She couldn't remember. She had been taking the warmth for granted. She hadn't recognized and marked that moment when she no longer felt cold. This thought brought on a wave of sadness. For a girl who had known so much coldness she should have seen that moment. She tried to grasp it from somewhere in her memory. It was out of reach. The moment was gone. Forever.