Something Like Fate (editing)

Chapter 18 - Not Even Dora Could Find Your Dignity

I should have been thinking carefully about how to plan the coming Gay-Straight alliance fundraiser, but really I was more concerned with food shopping to find some nice nibble’s for my mother’s homecoming.

My mother was finally being discharged from the hospital after the doctors decided that she was healthy enough not be under observation any longer and the relief and happiness I felt when I heard the news even surpassed finding out that N’Sync were going to reunite at the VMA’s. It felt like finally our family was going back to normal – Jake wouldn’t have to put up with my less than stellar ‘cooking’ and some normality would be restored as both my parents would take on the role of housekeeper again. I was going to show my parents that I could be a mature young woman whom they didn’t have to worry about by attempting to lay on a feast…if I didn’t eat all the food before-hand that is.

I was pushing a trolley around in Tesco’s, and since I was wearing my ripped boyfriend jeans, bitching about life with my friends and rocking a messy bun, I half expected per generic convention and Hollywood standards the man of my dreams to waltz past 3, 2, 1…

“Sophia, do you want these kiwi? They’re on offer so I’m sure you can make something from them,” I heard Lucy ask, snapping my attention away from where Mr Perfect was to walk in next to the fruit and veg isle.

I turned my gaze away from the entrance of the isle to see Lucy holding two kiwi’s against her chest as she smiled at me mischievously. I shook my head disapprovingly as a young boy pulled on his mother’s hand to direct her attention to see a young teenage girl jiggling fruit around as if they were boobs while wearing a top aptly named ‘Suck It’.

“These look like the size of your boobs,” she giggled as I narrowed my eyes at her.

“I have small boobs but you see this?” I asked, turning around and pointing to my butt. “It is a known fact that guys love big butts. I mean there’s even a freaking song on it so it has to be true.”

It’s times like this, when I’m in public and debating with my friend the pros of having a fat arse, that I wonder why don’t I have a reality TV show yet? I’m a socially awkward teenage girl who weeps when she watches Toy Story and once downed a whole bottle of milk on a dare. MTV, that’s TV gold right there. Forget Snooki, Sophia Davis will fall over and engage in questionable in public without even being drunk/high/mentally ill.

“Oh, did you hear about Peter Connor?” Lucy asked excitedly as she dropped the kiwi back into their crates and side stepped so I could push the trolley around her. “He’s come out.”

“Come out of what exactly? A box, a shell, or perhaps even his mother’s vagina? You have to be more specific, Luce.”

“The closet!” she exclaimed while I smirked at getting her all riled up. “He’s gone all Ellen DeGeneres on us.”

I ooed and ahhed accordingly as I scanned the shelf. “I’ll have to speak to him about the club. I won’t like, you know, force him to come, just send an invitation on Facebook letting him know we exist…it’ll probably be the first time that he’ll know that I exist.”

“My gaydar needs a software update. It hasn’t been this off since Zac Efron,” Lucy sighed wistfully.  

I stopped to quirk an eyebrow in her direction. “He isn’t gay.”

“Have you seen how hot, well-spoken and sweet he is? Of course you can’t blame me for thinking he’s gay, us girls aren’t that lucky. For every straight Efron there’s a hundred biebs reminding us why being a singleton is a great way of life.”

“I don’t why you’re complaining; you’ve had the Seth Michaels. Though I’m still not sure I needed to know about your in-depth carnal knowledge of that mole on his right buttock,” I said shuddering at the image.