Something Like Fate (editing)

Chapter 22 - The Art Of Heartbreak

So I somehow ended up writing this at like 2 in the morning. It was the hardest chapter I've written so far for reasons many of you are aware. Inspiration comes at the weirdest times and I kind of just wanted to get it out the way. I hope you enjoy it xx

Drew's POV:

Growing up it was always emphasised to me, in order to understand the true value of material objects, that we die the same way we were born and lived – alone. When you pass on you take nothing from this world with you for memories, possessions which you worked hard for and people you loved all stay behind awaiting the same fate. We spend so much time running around for love, is that the ultimate goal of this life? Is trying to one up someone and be successful the true worth of living? If we suffered a harsh fate and were denied proper, pure love and our hope snatched away, is life worth any less?

In my darkest hours, listening to my father’s hateful rhetoric about how I would suffer in this life because not everyone has parents who love them unconditionally or holding my mother’s hand while she underwent treatment with an ache building in my wasted heart, I often wondered about death. It’s just so final - the idea of being here one moment and then just not. When someone dies then you won’t ever see them again, it’s a simple but haunting thought. You won’t be able to hug them, you won’t hear their voice again, you won’t see their smile, you won’t be able to make them proud, you won’t be loved…

Everyone imagines what would happen if they were taken. Would anyone cry? What did I mean to them? Honestly, death is nothing to fantasise over. It’s not this big revelation of how loved you were, it’s not a tragic poem which you’ll forget almost as soon as you’ve read it. It’s something which stays with you like this pain which numbs slightly but never truly leaves you – it’s there during the day, the night and all the moments in between that make up this life.

For a really long time I had seen my mother in hospital trying to fight to live, for us. And she always got better. She was a strong, stubborn woman who no matter what life through at her pulled through because she knew how much her children needed her. Seeing her smile through her pain and stay as happy as I knew her to be made me somehow think she’d always be around. She was always there. And now she wasn’t it didn’t seem real. Perhaps it’s because I’m a young guy who thinks he can take on the world – life is only starting for me. I want to go onto to be a success…I don’t know what in but I want to be so successful and fulfilled. I want to fall in love with someone who just loves me back for once. I want to be me without constantly having to justify myself. But when you lose someone you realise we all have dream, no-one prepares for life turning out anything other than that perfect fairy tale, but the most important thing is we want it to mean something – we want to mean something to someone.

We find comfort in memories which usually have words of wisdom or significance yet all I can remember right now is a day when I was just an innocent 7 year old boy who ran his mother crying after no-one would play with me in class.

“Mum, why doesn’t anyone like me?” I asked as tears streamed down my face.

Even through the wetness of my eyes I could see the beauty of my mother as her long, lean fingers brushed away my tears. She had the most beautiful smile which lit up the whole room, beautiful long dark hair which I loved to play with because it felt so soft in childish awe, and these pretty green eyes which revealed her character – her eyes betrayed her every emotion.

I was a little boy cuddled up in his mother’s arm because I was having a hard time at school. No-one wanted to be friends with the weird, geeky boy, and sometimes the words of children can be so cruel. But that didn’t matter in that moment as I knew my mother would always be the one person to love me no matter what. Her arms around me comforted me more than any words ever could and the comfort really lay in knowing she would always be there for me, love me.