Please don't feed the children

please don't feed the children chp.11

My eyes are greeted by the sight of Lane’s black hair when I wake. My head rested against his, the sound of his breathing entering my ears while he still slept. I watch his chest rise up and down at a regular pace; see his eyelids fluttering from a dream. It was a moment like this that made me want to stay here forever. If I could only pause for a while, sink into this little piece of time until it hurt. But before I know, time will catch up with me and push me forward to face the unforeseeable future.

I was not completely going forward into the future without any insight at all; I did know that my past repeats itself. But this time I feel more worried, more cautious of my actions, all because of Lane. I didn’t want to lose him, and in order to keep that hope alive, I have to protect him more than myself.

I rub my fingers against his palm slowly, careful not to wake him up. He would need his sleep, and the longer he had peace from this world the better.

Unfortunately, after a little bit of stroking on his hand, he stirs awake.

“Hey.” He says groggily, but ever so casual. He almost made me forget where we both were. But all I have to do is turn away from his gorgeous eyes to realize the bricks still closed around us.

Despite the fact that thought was gnawing at my subconscious, I muster up enough of my calmness to respond.

“ Hi.”

This should have been simple enough, but it wasn’t. Saying anything that didn’t make me hysterical was a difficult task, a task I am not looking forward to. What was making me on edge? I felt like I was going to fall apart and slip through the cracks, drifting into a puddle of nothing. I couldn’t calm down, it only make my stomach churn. I should be happy- Lane was with me, Jason was out of sight, and I was no longer feeling woozy from the infection.

I mean, if it wasn’t for Lane and Shay, I could still be stuck in a dream-like state…

And then something like a slap on the face brings me to a conclusion.

My past, the part of me that had been wiped from my memory only to return once again.

I know that I had decided not to tell, I wouldn’t say anything unless the question arose. But something inside me wanted to scream, although the rest of me lie on the ground, shaking tremulously.

Maybe if I just ask…

“Caroline,” Lane speaks, cutting my thoughts off. “You okay?”

I snap my attention to his innocent face. Gathering enough strength to build a small smile, I’m about to nod yes and pretend everything was as normal as it had been before. But something occurs inside me; a small, annoying thought makes its way into my head.

Why do I have to lie to him?

A soft hand falls on my shoulder, rubbing the fabric of my dress with concern. This was Lane I was looking at, he would never hurt me. I shouldn’t have to pretend.