Everything Changes

Chapter 1: THE BEGINNING-Opening a closed door

 

       As I lay here on my bed watching my ceiling fan spin around endlessly. I'm listening to Numb by Linkin Park, one of my favorite songs, trying to give my mind a much-needed break.

      It feels like nowadays, all I do is spend time alone in my room. It's strange how fast time can go by without you realizing it.

        On the other hand, tragedy seems to freeze in place, never fading or passing. No matter how much time has passed, it still feels like it just happened yesterday. My mind drifts to the memory of that night. The flash of the light, the screeching of tires, the pain, and the god-awful scream I let out as the truck...

        A sudden knock on my door pulls me out of my thoughts, but it can't pull me out of the emotions that have already flooded me.

         I yelp in surprise as I pull my headphones out.

         Right now, my chest hurts and it's hard to breathe, especially when I'm trying to hold tears back. I pause for a moment to collect myself. Taking deep breaths until the pain in my chest subsides, I wipe away the few tears that managed to escape.

         "Come in," I yell. Andrew, my brother, opens the door and looks at me. "Hey, do you wanna go with Zack and me to get pizza in an hour?"

        For a second, I look down because I don't know how to reply. Should I really go out? I haven't been out all summer, and it's a good chance to hang out with my brother and Zack, but I'm just not sure I'm feeling up to it. Looking up at my brother's face, I see a hopeful look in his eyes.

         "It sounds fun, I'm just not sure."I see the hopeful look fade a tiny bit, and guilt nudges at me. "It will be, but it's okay. If you don't want to go, you don't have to."

        I don't want to say no, since this whole summer he's left me alone and given me time to just attempt to cope, even though he was also affected by the tragedy. It's just not fair for me to keep blowing him off. I sigh, knowing I have been a crappy sister in more ways than one. "Is it cool if Emma comes along?" "Yeah, not a problem, we can swing by and pick her up if she needs it."

         He started to leave but turned back to look at me. "I know that with the accident and everything that happened it's been a lot to deal with... I just want you to know that I am here if you need to talk." I looked down, not wanting to look at him as tears filled my eyes. All I could do was nod in reply. I waited until my door shut to let everything I was holding in out. I know he's being brotherly, but he shouldn't just be thinking of me.

         I'm not the only one it has affected. It also affects him, but he's been so much stronger than me through all of it. I'm not sure how he does it, but I wish I could be there for him, but I don't have the strength.

         Wiping the tears from my eyes, I try to calm myself before it's too late to return and I spend the rest of the night curled up in a ball crying. I walk over to my dresser, grabbing my phone and scroll to Em's name.

         She answers on the third ring. "What's up, beautiful?" I snorted at her comment "Wanna go get some pizza with Andrew, Zach and me?" She squealed into the phone. "You know it baby girl! Let me find something great to wear, and you better too!" I rolled my eyes, knowing I would lose this argument.

         "Okay, whatever you say-" I was cut off by her hanging up so abruptly. Probably feeling satisfied with the fact that I didn't put up a fight, which would cause me to feel crappy all over again. Because not only have I been a crappy sister, but I've also been a crappy friend to her as of late, yet she has been waiting patiently even if I haven't really been mentally present.