Atonement

{Nine} The Cold, Hard Truth

“There is not a single word/ In the whole world/ That could describe the hurt.”

-Hate to See Your Heart Break, Paramore

  Cap had pulled away. He’d initiated the kiss, and yet he was the one pulling back. But that was not the shocking part. No, the thing that had my breath wheezing out of my lungs was the look on his face. Apparently he hadn’t drunk enough booze, because he looked as if I’d tricked him. As if I’d forced him to kiss me like that. His brows drew together in a frown, eyes narrowed to slits.

  The worst thing about it was now I felt like I had tricked him in some way. So, naturally, I began to panic. Because that look of disgusted betrayal on his face was breaking my heart. “Cap, I—”

  Cap, not uttering a single syllable, stood up quickly; as if I were a disease he was afraid of being infected with. He made sure to give me one last look of disdain before storming back to the cabin.

  I watched him go with blurry eyes. Oh, God, what had I done? Nothing. But that was the point, wasn’t it? I’d done nothing when I knew no good could come of kissing him or allowing myself to be kissed by him.

  I dug at my hair in hurt frustration. “God, Josie!” What a mess this was all turning out to be! All I’d wanted was proof that Cap still cared about me. Now all I had was another kiss to obsess about and overanalyze.

  “Josie?”

  I wiped my eyes quickly at the sound of my brother approaching. Huh. So he could pry himself from beating up Johnse long enough to care what I was doing, could he? That was just great. Could a girl not have one single moment to herself?

  “Hey,” he said gently when he noticed I was clearly upset. “What’s wrong?” His gaze went to the cabin and narrowed to slits. “What happened?”

  “Nothing,” I mumbled.

  “I swear to God, if he did anything to you…..”

  “Russell!” I looked up at him, intending to let him have it. Instead I let out a gasp at his appearance. His bottom lip was busted, there was a trickle of blood running from his nose, and his left eye was beginning to look purplish. “Oh my God!”        I leapt to my feet, reaching out to brush away his hair to better examine that eye.

  “You should see the other guy,” Russ chuckled. He shied away from my touch, gently pulling my hand away. The humor drained from his face as he asked again, “Seriously, what happened? Did he do something?”

  “No,” I answered quickly. “Besides, you don’t need to be getting into any more fights. God, what were you thinking?”

  Russ shrugged. “Nothin’. I just think it’s bullshit Johnse thinks he has a right to talk about what people do and don’t deserve.”

  I raised a speculative brow. Understanding began to dawn on me. It was amazing I hadn’t noticed it before. “Huh,” I mused.

  “What?”

  Shrugging, I said, “Oh, nothing….You just seem to be pretty pissed about what Johnse did to Roseanna. That’s all.”

  My brother frowned at my indication. “It’s not right. If you’d met her, you’d be pissed, too.”

  “Yeah, but I think your anger is a little different than mine would be.”

  “Oh, yeah? How?”

  “Well, I mean…it’s pretty obvious.”

  He stared at me; oblivious.

  I rolled my eyes and huffed. “You like her.”