September 30, 2013
Dear Vincent,
I realized you meant something to me two times. The second time was the strongest. The first one was when we went back to school after a holiday in June of 2012. We didn't see each other for some days and when I got in the school, it felt like something was missing until I saw you sitting behind my usual chair. I remember I couldn't help but smile at that moment. The second was when someone sent a note to our Math teacher. Right from the start I knew it was in your name by the description they made, but I didn't look in your direction until they finished reading it. I didn't want anyone to notice how much I paid attention to you. When I finally turned to you, your gaze was upon me, like expecting me. You were smiling and I replied the action. I held on that moment because one time, when I fought with my parents, it was the first thing that came to my mind and helped me stop the tears from falling. In the heat of the moment, I promised myself that I would never let myself fall in love, never let a guy make me feel that way ever. But then I thought about how much I would lose to live, how much I would lose if I didn't make my own mistakes, if I lived by others' rules, so I decided to take my chances. With you.
I know it isn't like I actually did something to show my feelings. But I have trouble doing that. My parents aren't caring, we never hug or tell the other we love each other. The first time I saw my parents kissing was when I was 14. Even with my siblings. The age difference is a factor, but how about my twin sister? I guess there is no explanation. The thing is, to top it of, I found out that my father is cheating my mother. I don't know if he still is, actually, because after I discovered three years ago, I just tried to block it from my mind. It was a horrible moment, just to see him texting a woman, telling her that he loves her when all he does with my mother is yell, it just turned my world upside down. I don't know why I didn't tell to anyone about this, but guess I didn't want to see my family apart, even without considering us a proper family.
Coming back to you, I have to admit that you don't leave my mind, even writing these letters, I don't feel I am getting over you. That is why I never update. And, with only more three months of school left until we graduate, I don't think it is a good thing. I need more focus than ever that is why I plan to come clear with you, face to face, soon as possible, probably tomorrow. I know I had the opportunity this Wednesday, but it was too soon. I'm scared, terrified, but I have to do this. At least for one time, I won't run or hide anymore.
Love,
Kate
A.N.: If everything happens tomorrow, I guess I won't write anymore. Probably because I will feel embarrassed forever, so I don't know, wish me luck?
YOU ARE READING
About Me And You (Editing)
Não Ficção"Someday you'll know." (2013-2014) Letters that I wrote to my crush Vincent since I had no idea how to say it in person. This work is directly connected to my poetry book called "Vincent", so if you want to understand better that story, please chec...
