Crash Test Dummy

Chapter 3

She didn't try to stop me when I stood up and bypassed her chair. The dominant mother look was gone from her eyes displaced by something else, maybe pain or despair; I wasn't sure, but her eyes no longer put her in control. As I exited the room, I heard her say softly, "One day when you have a child, you'll understand."

I didn't even dignify the statement with a response. "Another cop out," I thought. "Parents throw it out when they have no valid explanation."

I grabbed a bag of potato chips and a couple cans of coke and went to my room to write to Dad.

When Mom called me down for supper, my hunger overpowered my anger. When I arrived at the dinner table, I found a card in the middle of my plate. I got a marker and wrote," return to sender" on it and put it in Mom's plate.

"Wayne," Mom's plea was weak and uncertain.

"Now you know how he felt."

"No." She shook her head. "I don't, not really. He knew I was returning the cards, not you. So whatever emotions he felt were mostly directed at me. It's a different kind of hurt."

"Well, deal with it."

"All right." There was an edge to her voice that hadn't been there before. "You're here so I'll just tell you what it says. It says that I'm sorry that I hurt you. What's done is done. You don't understand my reasons for doing what I did. Right now you hate me for it. I will live with that. I won't stop you from corresponding with your father. You were right when you said you are old enough to make that choice. I won't take you to see him, though. They won't let children under 16 into a prison without an adult. I refuse to spend time with your father. I'm sure you'll hate me for that, too, but I just can't do it." She stopped and looked down at her hands.

"Are you done? Can we eat now?"

"Not quite."  I could tell by her tone that I was treading on thin ice, so I just sat stoically and stared at her. "You will have to be punished for your drinking binge and the redecorating job you did in the den. You are grounded for the next two months. That means no outside activities. Seth has agreed to be here from 4-11 on the days I work. If you are not home by 4PM, he will report to me. You are to go nowhere once you arrive home. To keep you from getting bored, you are assigned two jobs. You will clean out the shed and the attic. All of your Dad's things are stored in one place or another. I had planned to let you go through them sometime to see if there was anything you wanted to keep. Anything you want is yours. Anything you don't want, you can box up and donate to Goodwill. You say you want to know who he is. Maybe these projects will help." She held out her hand. "I want your house key. You won't need it for the next couple of months."

My teeth were clinched. I know my eyes threw daggers at Mom, but she didn't flinch. She just stood there with her hand out. I thought she was being hard on me. Two months with Seth! But, I didn't want her to change her mind about Dad's things and the letters. I took the key out of my pocket and slapped it into her palm.

She put a small key in my hand. "That's to the padlock on the shed." She gestured towards the table. "Now you can eat."

I couldn't connect the dots when it came to Mom. She was punishing me while giving me something I wanted very badly, a chance to get to know my Dad – even though it was a secondhand acquaintance. I knew she would not have stepped up had I not got in her face after my Dad's letter came. I didn't have to dig it to take advantage of it.

When I got home from school the next day, Seth was sitting on the porch swing. He nodded at me, "Wayne," he said.

"Seth," I replied.

As I opened the door to the house, he continued, "I brought donuts in case you want a snack. I know I was always hungry after a long day at school."