The Rant Book of a Teenage Drama Queen

Those I've Lost

Those friends that have fallen...

I've lost them all for horrible reasons...

They were all closer to me than anything else...But nothing lasts forever.

I spent my entire childhood with one girl.She never treated me badly.We were always crazy.She taught me to be myself.

We grew up joined at the hip.One thing we ALWAYS did was opposite of what everyone else did.

If some girls liked cold,we liked hot.That's why I still stay opposite now.I like to keep things the same.

One day, my dear childhood best friend told me of some horrible news...Her mother's boyfriend (My neighbor) was cheating on her mom...So my friend had to leave soon...I was devastated.I spent YEARS with NO ONE but this girl by my side...Now she would be GONE...

I remember shaking off the news...Months later,in February,she had to go...I hugged her and promised her I'd never forget her and that I'd never change.That was almost 4 years ago now...

I went home that night and cried myself to sleep...I spent the next few days lost.I wouldn't speak.I had no one who knew me like she did...I still look over to her yard every day and remember saying goodbye like it was yesterday...I still find pictures and recordings...I even find old data on video games from us...

Where is she now...?

She now chooses to block and ignore me.I kept my promise not to forget or change, but she didn't...

I lost the biggest thing in my childhood...It hurts so badly to see how she's changed and know that she would ignore me if I spoke to her...

I wouldn't be who I am today if not for her though...

So if she talks to me,I would thank her.I needed her.Maybe I lost childhood early, but she made what I had memorable...

The next friend I lost was one I claimed to love...He was more than a friend to me.I would have died for him had he asked me to.I nearly did the awful thing he asked of me too...But I didn't.

He asked for bad pictures once...I had to lose him after that..The hardest thing was ignoring him...

After all he did for me...

We talked EVERY NIGHT.

We stayed after school together.Just to talk.He got me.I felt like someone really understood...But it was a really good act....He just wanted to use me.

I blame myself for not finding a loophole.I'd do anything to go back to when we talked.He was my world....I still can't look at him without feeling a deep ache...

My third friend left me for an unknown reason...I didn't even know that she was leaving until a week before she left...She was the first one to know about my self harm and starving...She stopped it from getting worse.I miss her so much.She was the first person to claim me as a best friend.I was so happy.

But now that she has a better life, she doesn't even know me anymore.I texted her for months and never got a reply...When I finally did, she didn't remember me...I was crushed.She says she wouldn't come back to our school for anything.She's happier where she is now...I take a lot of personal blame for her leaving....

My final friend left for a personal reason...I never get to talk to her anymore and it's sad:(

I would give ANYTHING to have her back where she belongs!!My days are dull without her...I keep telling myself that she'll be back at her locker someday, but she won't.People always say that we'll eventually stop speaking.If so,I don't know what I'll do...She's the reason I made it through Sophomore year.

That's it.I won't go into much more detail.Those are just my old friends (The last one,Faith,is still my friend though!)

Catch ya later